


Welcome Home

by charmikarma



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-04-07 02:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14070612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmikarma/pseuds/charmikarma
Summary: Sehyoon had always been a member of the family. He was a member before the others had even met him. But he already belonged to a family—one that wasn’t so keen on letting go.The solution, of course, was to drive eight hours north, and stay in a cabin in the woods for a week.[ABANDONED]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to another fic by yours truly  
> this took?? 2 months to write i'm gonna die  
> hopefully this won't die, enjoy chapter 1

### –JUNE 2, 2009–

It was Junhee’s thirteenth birthday, which was the last day of seventh grade—what a great present, right?

He’d been impatiently awaiting this day. All year, he’d watched as his classmates, one by one, received their marks—the marks that signified their soulmates.

The marks didn’t always appear _on_ their thirteenth birthdays, but usually the first one appeared within a week. The rest of the marks would appear gradually until their fourteenth birthdays.

Junhee, however, was one of the lucky few whose marks appeared all at once. When he woke up that morning, the first thing he did was search his body for marks. The first one he found was on his left wrist, just below the palm of his hand: a simple triangle, completely filled with a dark purple color.

He stared at it for a full minute, letting it sink in that it was _there_ —his first mark.

And then he dashed out of his room, calling _“MOM!”_ as he did, which wasn’t specific enough, since there were three figures in that home who could be called “Mom.”

Junhee barged into his moms’ room, and one of them, Hajin, sat bolt upright in her bed, looking at Junhee with tired eyes. She was usually the first one awake, and would take Junhee to school, but she had overslept that morning.

“Hajin,” said Junhee, “wake up Yina and Yedam. I got my first mark!”

He then bolted to the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal. He wolfed it down as quickly as he could—he wanted more than anything to get to school and show off his mark to anyone willing to look, even if he didn’t know anybody with a matching mark. Maybe somebody would know someone else who had a matching mark, and that person could introduce them.

Junhee had imagined for years what it’d be like to meet his first soulmate. Would they be a boy? A girl? Tall? Short? Kind? Funny? Would he be able to tell instantly when he met them, before he even saw their marks?

As Junhee was slurping the remaining milk from his cereal bowl, Hajin came up behind him and ruffled his hair. “You need to comb your hair,” she told him. Then she pressed a finger to the back of his neck and asked, “Is this your mark?”

Junhee slammed his empty bowl onto the table, his right hand flying to the spot she’d touched, as if slapping a bug that had landed there. “Is there a mark there?” he demanded.

“Is this not what you were talking about?” asked Hajin, surprised.

“This is the one I found,” replied Junhee, showing her his wrist.

“Wow,” she said, awed. “You have two marks.”

“Do you think that’s all of them, Hajin?” asked Junhee, tilting his head back as far as it could go to look at her.

Hajin laughed in reply. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, kiddo. You still have a whole year before you’ll know for sure.”

“I hope it _is_ just these two!” exclaimed Junhee, extending his arms toward Hajin. “I want to be just like you and Yina and Yedam.”

“I’m touched,” said Hajin, patting him on the shoulder. “But you should be just like _you._ And that means you should be taking a shower, because you smell.”

“Okay,” said Junhee with a smile. He put his cereal bowl in the dishwasher and rushed off to take a quick shower. As he scrubbed himself clean, he discovered two more marks—one on his shoulder, just below his collarbone, and another to the left of his belly button. Four marks.

 _Four soulmates,_ thought Junhee. _That’s a lot. What if there are more?_

But months passed, and it became clear to Junhee that this was it.

Four soulmates. Who could they be?

Junhee wanted to meet them.

### –JULY 20, 2018–

Sehyoon and Eunsuh sat on their front porch, everything they would need for the next week packed into four bags. Three of them were Eunsuh’s—Yuna had insisted on packing Sehyoon’s bag, and had a knack for stuffing lots of things into a small space. Eunsuh had packed her own bags; Jisoo was a far more lenient parent than Yuna.

“They’re late,” said Eunsuh.

“They always are,” replied Sehyoon.

Eunsuh sighed. “Yuna’s gonna be pissed.”

As if on cue, the door opened, and Yuna stomped out onto the porch. She glared at Sehyoon. “Where are they?” she demanded.

Sehyoon unzipped a pocket on the side of his bag and took out his phone. He had one text from Yuchan.

  


**Kang Yuchan:** sorry yoonie!! we’re running a little late, since jason slept till like 1. we’ll be there in 3min

  


“Channie says they’ll be here in three minutes.”

“They’re _already_ three minutes late,” muttered Yuna. “Any later, and you’re not going.”

“Yuna, they’re just _late,”_ complained Eunsuh. “I know you’re _technically_ forcing me to go on this trip, but I really do want to go. Just let it be, okay?”

Yuna looked at Eunsuh, eyes narrowing, and Sehyoon could see on her face that she wanted to voice her disagreement, but decided it was better not to get into an argument. She huffed and reentered the house.

Sehyoon let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “Thanks, Eunsuh.”

Eunsuh smiled. “It’s no problem. Anything to protect you from your demon of a mother.”

Sehyoon laughed, though he didn’t agree. It was true that Yuna wasn’t the best parent, but he didn’t think she was a _demon._

Sehyoon, Eunsuh, and their siblings shared seven parents, who had worked out a system in which each child had one parent who was primarily in charge of managing them. Yuna, Sehyoon’s assigned parent, was rather overprotective. For one, she wouldn’t let Sehyoon get a part-time job, since she thought it’d be too stressful. He’d wanted one since his senior year of high school. He was now three years graduated.

Possibly worse was her attitude toward his college education. Well—Sehyoon had to cut her some slack.

She _had_ allowed him to go to college, thank God, but only on the terms that he would live at home and go only for two years to a nearby community college. Which, he supposed, was okay, since Yuchan ended up doing the same thing. But now those two years were over, and a year had passed. He was hoping to go to an _actual_ university in the fall, but that was looking less and less likely by the day—despite his numerous acceptance letters, Yuna was difficult to please.

And for good reason, honestly. Sehyoon hadn’t exactly been upfront about sending in applications.

In other words, he did it under her nose with the help of Yuchan and Donghun (and Jason, who wouldn’t even _think_ to miss out on a rebellion). 

But by far, the worst thing Yuna did was keep Sehyoon inside. She had rules: the first rule was that he wasn’t allowed to go out on weekends, the second was that he had to be home before 8P.M., and the third was that he couldn’t be out for more than three hours. Though she claimed it was for his own good, her intent was clear.

She wanted to keep him away from his soulmates.

There were four of them: Junhee, Donghun, Yuchan, and Jason. They lived together on the ground floor of a two-flat not far from Sehyoon’s home—during the summer, at least. During the school year, it was just Donghun and Yuchan at home. Jason and Junhee lived on the campuses of their respective schools—Junhee a few hours away, and Jason a few days away.

Sehyoon loved them more than anything, and he’d been wanting to join them in their cozy apartment since he’d first visited it toward the end of senior year. However, Yuna insisted he wasn’t ready. Moreover, it was obvious to Sehyoon that she didn’t want them seeing each other at all.

Sehyoon had never understood why. If she wanted him to be okay, why did she insist on depriving him of the one thing that made him happy? And it wasn’t like she didn’t understand—she had soulmates, too. Six of them.

But at the end of the day, Yuna was simply doing what she thought was the best for Sehyoon. She wasn’t _trying_ to ruin his life. Even if his own sister hated Yuna, Sehyoon couldn’t.

A filthy green minivan pulled up in front of the house, and the two rose to head toward it. As Eunsuh started walking down the porch steps, Sehyoon stopped at the top and said, “Shouldn’t we say goodbye?”

Eunsuh turned to look at Sehyoon, then at the front door, considering. After a moment, she said, “Let’s just go. We don’t want Yuna to change her mind, do we?”

“You’re right,” agreed Sehyoon, following her down the steps, his bag and one of hers in each hand.

They piled the four bags into the trunk, and when Sehyoon opened the car door, he was greeted by cheers.

“The party finally came!” shouted Jason, who was sitting in the middle row of seats. The other three let out another cheer in reply.

Sehyoon was filled with a familiar warmth, and he was hardly able to hold back a smile.

“Yoonie, you should sit by me,” said Jason. Then, leaning forward to look past Sehyoon, he continued, “Eunsuh, you don’t mind sitting in the back with Channie, do you?”

“Of course not!” replied Eunsuh. “I’ll probably just sleep anyway.”

Sehyoon stepped aside, and Donghun got out of the front seat to fold one of the middle seats forward so Eunsuh could climb in. Sehyoon climbed in once the seat was back in place.

Everyone was seated, and they were ready to go, but Junhee still had to ask: “You two got everything?”

“I hope so,” said Sehyoon. “I’m not going back into that house until next week. I think if I did now, I wouldn’t come _out_ until next week.”

Soft chuckles punctuated Sehyoon’s remark, and he smiled again. Nothing beat the laughter of his soulmates.

“Alright, everyone,” said Junhee, “buckle your seatbelts. We don’t want to get in a car crash and never see Yoonie again.”

Donghun sighed. “Jun, seatbelts don’t lower the chances of a crash. They just lower the chances of dying in one.”

“In that case, why bother?” asked Jason, grinning.

“Because if Yuna finds out we weren’t wearing our seatbelts, she’ll probably kill one of you,” said Sehyoon. “Or all of you.”

“Let’s get out of here,” said Yuchan. “Just being in the proximity of the bitch is giving me the creeps.”

Eunsuh laughed. “‘The bitch’?”

Jason turned around to look at Eunsuh. “That’s her name, isn’t it?”

Junhee put the car in gear, and as he started to drive away, he spoke. “Let the final mission of Operation: Bring Sehyoon Home commence! Hun, could you brief us on our mission?”

Donghun laughed. “Everyone already knows what’s happening.”

“C’mon,” whined Junhee. “Just do it. Please.”

“Alright,” said Donghun, rolling his eyes. “After years of trying to appease the bitch with no success, we’ve come to the ultimate solution: what we’re calling a _test run._ We’re going—” Donghun stopped. “Eunsuh, why are you laughing?”

Eunsuh was giggling uncontrollably. “Sorry, I just— it’s just— it’s so funny that— that you all call her the bitch,” she managed between giggles.

“It’s because she’s a bitch,” said Junhee easily. “Continue, Hun.”

“Anyway,” continued Donghun, “about eight hours north of here is a small cabin in the woods, owned by Jun’s moms. Nearby is a river. We’ll be staying there for a week. And if that goes well, maybe the bitch will let Sehyoon move in with us. Finally.”

“Sounds like a solid plan to me,” said Eunsuh.

“Oh, and if it doesn’t work,” added Jason, “we’re just going to kidnap him. Permanently.”

“She’d probably rampage,” said Eunsuh worriedly, and Sehyoon nodded in agreement.

“She can just deal with it,” said Jason with a shrug. “She has to shut up after a while.”

“I don’t know...” started Sehyoon softly, but before he could continue, Yuchan spoke.

“Let’s change the subject.”

Everyone was silent for a moment, letting the topic settle with the dust on the floor.

“Oh!” said Junhee. “I almost forgot. We won’t have enough space to all sleep together.”

“Park Junhee,” hissed Donghun, “I cannot accept this.”

“Yeah!” said Jason. “It’s Yoonie’s first time spending the night with us, and he won’t even get the full experience? That’s bullshit!”

“Not my fault I only have three moms who decided to buy a three-person bed because there are _three of them,”_ snapped Junhee. “I’m just as upset as the rest of you, you know.”

“Somebody text Jun’s moms that they’re full of shit,” said Jason. “From me.”

“On it,” said Donghun, already tapping away at his phone. “It’s from me, too. Hope that’s okay.”

“Of course that’s okay,” replied Jason. “The more, the better.”

“So three of us are sleeping in your moms’ bed,” said Yuchan. “What about the rest of us? Do we have to sleep on the floor?”

“No, there’s a queen bed in the basement. And there’s an air mattress for Eunsuh.” Junhee glanced at Eunsuh in the rearview mirror. “That’s okay, I hope?”

“Anything’s okay, as long as I’m not dead or dying,” said Eunsuh cheerfully.

“That’s the spirit!” cheered Junhee. “Yoonie, where do you want to sleep?”

“I...” Sehyoon wasn’t sure how to answer. Of course he wanted the big bed; it’d be weird _not_ to want the big bed. But it felt like they were giving him the first pick, which didn’t seem fair. So he hesitated.

Before Sehyoon could continue, Donghun’s phone vibrated.

“What’d she say?” asked Jason.

“Yedam asked what they did,” replied Donghun. “What should I tell her?”

“Tell her she missed two marks, and they’re on her elbows.”

Donghun chuckled and sent the message.

“Add me to that chat,” said Yuchan, taking out his phone. “I wanna see what she says.”

“Add Yoonie too,” said Jason.

“I’m just gonna add all of you.”

 

_To **Park Yedam, Park Yina, Park Hajin, Lee Donghun, Park Junhee, Kim Jason,** and **Kang Yuchan**_

**Park Yedam:** Very funny.

 _ **Park Yina** sent a photo._  
**Park Yina:** They’re there tho...?

 **Kim Jason:** omfg how did you draw those on your elbows  
**Kim Jason:** and so fast too

 **Kang Yuchan:** this is sorcery  
**Kang Yuchan:** yina’s a witch

 **Park Yina:** I’m telling you, they were there all along.  
**Park Yina:** Guess yedam just never noticed them

 **Park Yedam:** I just looked at my elbows in the mirror, and I see no marks.

 **Kim Jason:** send proof

 **Lee Donghun:** this is hilarious

 **Park Hajin** : Please stop texting me. I’m at work.

 **Kim Jason:** just mute

_**Lee Donghun** removed **Park Hajin** from the conversation._

**Kim Jason:** smh

 **Kim Sehyoon:** idk what i expected from junnie’s moms but it wasn’t this

 **Park Yina:** Nice to finally meet you sehyoon. I’m yina  
**Park Yina:** I’m the only cool mom. Yedam and hajin are lame

 **Kim Jason:** what’s taking yedam so long anyway

 **Park Yina:** probably trying to figure out how to use the camera

 **Kim Jason:** smh  
**Kim Jason:** hajin’s lame but at least she can use a phone

 **Lee Donghun:** i would expect nothing less from park yedam

 _ **Park Yedam** sent a photo._  
**Park Yedam:** Donghun, Jason, I’m offended.

 _ **Park Yina** sent a photo._  
**Park Yina:** I definitely see marks

 **Kang Yuchan:** i can’t believe this omfg

 **Kim Sehyoon:** you edited that so fast

 **Park Yedam:** How did you do that?

 **Park Yina:** ~magic~

 

“Junnie, your moms are wild,” said Sehyoon, awed.

Junhee’s laugh rang through the car. “They really are something else, huh?”

“I want to see this wildness,” said Eunsuh, trying to look at the chat over Sehyoon’s shoulder. “Add me.”

 

_To **Park Yedam, Park Yina, Lee Donghun, Park Junhee, Kim Jason, Kang Yuchan,** and **Kim Eunsuh**_

**Park Yedam:** Yina...  
**Park Yedam:** Excuse my language, but I’m kind of done with your shit.

 **Kim Eunsuh:** omf what is even happening

 **Kim Sehyoon:** hopefully nothing serious

 **Park Yina:** fear not, children, for i, cool mom of your dreams, will go and solve this problem irl

 **Kim Jason:** i’m not a child anymore

 **Park Yina:** you’ll always be a child to me  
**Park Yina:** seeya later kiddos. have fun up north

 **Kang Yuchan:** thanks yina!!  <3

 **Lee Donghun:** we’re still not children but ok

 **Kim Eunsuh:** i think i missed all the good stuff :(

 **Kim Jason:** trust me, there’ll be more  
**Kim Jason:** but why bother looking for the good shit from jun’s moms when you’ll be with the five of us for a week?

 **Kang Yuchan:** ^^^^

 **Lee Donghun:** he makes an excellent point actually  
**Lee Donghun:** our jason is always full of surprises

 **Kim Sehyoon:** rekt

 **Kim Jason:** i don’t even have the energy to be offended  
**Kim Jason:** since you assholes woke me up so early

 **Kang Yuchan:** you’re fully awake don’t pull this shit

 **Lee Donghun:** how is 1 early

 **Kim Sehyoon:** genuine question  
**Kim Sehyoon:** if i wake up in jason’s arms in the morning and he’s still asleep, what do i do?

 **Kang Yuchan:** kick him in the dick

 **Kim Jason:** oh yeah we need to figure out sleeping arrangements

 **Kang Yuchan:** dammit no reaction

 **Kim Jason:** you guys love me too much to do that to me :)

 **Lee Donghun:** try me bitch

 

“Can you guys stop texting?” asked Junhee. “I feel kind of left out.”

“Sorry, Jun,” said Donghun, turning off his phone.

“We need to figure out the bed arrangements anyway,” added Byeongkwan. “Any ideas on how?”

“Well,” started Yuchan, “the bed for three is obviously favorable.”

“We could rotate,” suggested Junhee.

“Sounds great to me,” said Sehyoon.

“No, _you_ don’t rotate,” said Jason, shaking his head. “You get to sleep in the big bed every night.”

“But that’s—”

“No, I agree with Jason,” said Junhee. “It’s only fair.”

The conversation died down for a moment, and Sehyoon’s face fell. It didn’t seem fair to _him_ —he felt like they were making up for lost time.

“Six pairs, six nights,” said Yuchan suddenly. “It pans out.”

Nobody responded at first.

“What?” asked Jason.

Yuchan sighed. “It’s basic math.”

“Not all of us took honors math all four years of high school, Channie.”

“Don’t be like that, Dongdong,” complained Yuchan. “You took honors math all four years too.”

“Don’t assume I remember any math just because I took the class.”

“He just counted the number of pairs between you guys,” said Eunsuh. “Jesus. Graduates are so dumb.”

“Haven’t you graduated too?” asked Jason.

Eunsuh didn’t speak for a moment, and Sehyoon could sense that she was waiting for him to answer. When he didn’t, she said, “Uh, no?”

“Sounds like a lie to me,” said Donghun.

“It is,” confirmed Sehyoon, and Eunsuh smacked the back of his head. “She graduated this spring,” he continued, unfazed.

“Why are you like this?” she complained, exasperated.

“Like what?” asked Sehyoon, smiling slyly.

Eunsuh sighed. “Never mind,” she muttered.

“I have an idea,” said Jason.

“That tired brain of yours can come up with ideas?” teased Donghun. “I thought you didn’t even have the energy to be offended.”

“Still don’t,” said Jason. “Anyway, we can compete to see who gets to sleep with Yoonie in the big bed.”

“I’m participating,” blurted Sehyoon.

Jason cast him a sideways glance, eyebrows raised. “I haven’t even said what it was yet.”

“I don’t care,” said Sehyoon. “Say it, and I’ll earn a spot in that bed myself.”

Jason opened his mouth, then shut it. “I don’t think—”

“Just let him play,” said Donghun. “He clearly doesn’t want special treatment. Right, Sehyoon?”

Sehyoon nodded. Thank the _lord_ Donghun was there to put his thoughts into words.

“Oh,” said Jason. “Sorry. I hadn’t thought of that.”

“It’s okay. I know it’s only because you would want special treatment,” teased Sehyoon, a mischievous smile on his lips.

“Maybe you should stop being so self-centered,” suggested Junhee.

“I’m not self-centered,” protested Jason, crossing his arms. “I’m self- _assured.”_

“Those aren’t even _close_ to the same thing,” said Eunsuh, and car exploded into laughter.

Once his laughter had died down, Sehyoon reached over to Jason’s folded arms and gave his elbow a tug. His arms fell apart, his hand gracefully landing in Sehyoon’s. He turned to face him, pouting exaggeratedly.

Sehyoon tried to speak, but he couldn’t—Jason’s face was just too _ridiculous_ —and he burst into laughter once more. “I—I appreciate the sentiment,” managed Sehyoon after a moment.

Jason laughed too—giggled, really, but he would certainly deny such a thing—and his rough hand curled around Sehyoon’s soft hand, squeezing it lightly.

They kept holding hands as they settled back into their previous positions.

“Anyway,” started Jason once more, “I was thinking we could play the alphabet game.”

“The alphabet game?” asked Junhee.

“Yeah,” replied Jason. “You know, the one where you try to complete the alphabet using only billboards and signs?”

“But I’m driving.”

“Oh, suck it up, Junnie. We’re rotating anyway.”

Junhee let out a sigh.

“Does anybody else object?” asked Jason, looking around the car.

“I’m cool,” said Donghun.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to see very well,” said Yuchan.

“Okay,” replied Jason, releasing Sehyoon’s hand. “You can move up here to the middle.”

“Alright.”

Sehyoon looked back and forth between Yuchan and Jason, eyes wild. “Wait, how—”

“He can just climb over,” said Jason, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

Before Sehyoon could ask whether that meant what he thought it did, Yuchan came crashing down face first into the seat between them, which answered his question.

It did, in fact, mean what Sehyoon thought it did.

“Oof,” said Donghun. “That was a rough fall. You alright?”

“I’m fine,” replied Yuchan, repositioning himself into his seat with a great deal of difficulty.

Junhee caught Sehyoon’s eye in the rearview mirror, and laughed as he turned his gaze back to the road. “You okay, Yoonie?”

Sehyoon was horrified. “Is—is that _normal?”_

“You’ll get used to it,” said Donghun. “They’re all kinda crazy.”

“Yeah, but in a _car?”_

Donghun shrugged, and it was clear to Sehyoon that he could provide no justification.

 _“Anyway,”_ said Jason again, more impatiently this time, “here are the rules. Only one letter per word, and the first one to call out the word gets the letter. No using someone’s else’s word. You have to go in order. The first three to finish get the big bed.”

“‘Madison,’” recited Donghun immediately, pointing at a sign. “A.”

And with that, the game had begun.

It didn’t take Jason long to get ahead of Donghun by a few letters, and Sehyoon wasn’t far behind. Yuchan struggled to catch up, remaining in fourth place for the entire trip. And Junhee...

Well, there were exceptions, of course. They all got stuck on J at the same time, but Jason found one first, and reclaimed the lead. One by one the others moved on, until they reached Q, and the same thing happened.

It’d been fifteen minutes since Sehyoon had called P, and the four of them were still looking anxiously for Qs.

“Jason,” said Sehyoon, his leg bouncing up and down anxiously, “what happens if we never find a Q and all end here?”

“Don’t be silly, Yoonie. We still have five hours before we get there. Someone will find a Q.”

“Five _hours?”_ groaned Eunsuh, waking up from a nap. “It feels like it’s already _been_ five hours.”

“It’s been three,” replied Yuchan, still closely watching every sign that passed by.

“It took you guys three hours to get to Q? Wow, you suck at this game.”

“Maybe Junnie will find an A,” said Donghun, earning a soft chuckle from the rest of the car.

“You bet I’ll find an A,” replied Junhee.

Everyone doubted it. Sehyoon could tell. Junhee could probably tell too.

For five minutes, the six of them sat in complete silence, still looking for Qs, and possibly As.

“‘Quality,’” said Junhee suddenly.

It took everyone a moment to realize what had just happened.

A tall sign passed the right side of the car.

It read _Quality Inn._

“A,” finished Junhee.

“Park Junhee,” hissed Donghun, and the middle seat exploded into protests.

“You can’t just—”

“That had a Q in it, you bastard!”

“We’re never getting to Z, are we.”

“Sorry,” said Junhee, laughing. “I have to get myself in the running somehow.”

“Junnie, you’re still not in the running,” said Yuchan. “All you did was piss everyone off.”

“Whatever,” muttered Jason, sounding frustrated. “Just keep looking, I guess.”

And so they did.

It took thirty minutes for someone to find a Q, and, as expected, it was Jason. And before anyone else found a Q, Jason completed the alphabet.

“‘Unauthorized’!” he cried. “Z. I finished!”

“I can’t _believe_ this,” muttered Donghun. “Junnie, I’m hungry. Can we stop at a Qdoba or something?”

“Careful, Hun,” warned Junhee. “I might take the B in Qdoba.”

“You won’t if I throttle you,” retorted Donghun.

“Well, that certainly is an interesting proposition,” remarked Junhee, a suggestive smile on his lips.

“Quit that,” snapped Donghun. “I’m looking up the nearest Qdoba.”

“‘Quest!’” said Sehyoon, pointing to a sign that read _Laser Quest._ “Q.”

“You’ve got to be _kidding_ me,” muttered Donghun, continuing to look for a Qdoba on his phone.

“Sorry,” murmured Sehyoon.

“No, it’s okay,” said Donghun. “I’m not mad at you.”

“But you’re mad.”

“At myself,” he clarified, “for not seeing it. Junnie, if you take the next exit, there’ll be a Qdoba.”

“Alright,” replied Junhee, turning on his turn signal to make a lane change.

“Should we wake up Eunsuh?” asked Jason, looking back at her.

“She already fell asleep again?” asked Sehyoon, also looking back at her. And, sure enough, she was fast asleep once more.

“Looks like it,” said Jason.

“Wake up,” said Sehyoon, tapping her forehead repeatedly with his index finger. “We’re getting dinner.”

She stirred, and complained, “Leave me alone. I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Well, whose fault is that? You need to eat. Wake up.”

“QDOBA! Q!” shouted Yuchan, pointing frantically at a sign listing fast food restaurants in the area.

“Dammit!” cried Donghun.

With a groan, Eunsuh opened her eyes and leaned forward. She blinked a few times, then rubbed her eyes. “Why are you guys so _loud?”_

“Finding Qs,” replied Yuchan. “I think I’m gonna wait for Dongdong to find his Q before going on.”

“Oh my god, you blessing,” said Donghun, awed. “You were always my favorite, you know.”

Yuchan smiled brilliantly. “I know.”

“We’re choosing favorites now?” asked Sehyoon, pouting.

“Don’t worry, Yoonie,” assured Junhee. “You’re Jason’s favorite.”

Sehyoon looked at Jason. He expected him to deny it, but he only smiled back. Sehyoon opened his mouth, intending to ask “Really?” or murmur “Thank you,” or, even better, say “You’re my favorite too,” but all that came out was—

“What a sad life you must live.”

Everyone in the car laughed—even Sehyoon and Jason—as Junhee took an exit and headed toward the Qdoba. As soon as the restaurant itself was in sight, Donghun claimed the Q, and Jason made a point to tell them that once they were out of the car, the game would be put on pause. Donghun almost protested, but before he could, Junhee agreed with Jason; he didn’t want any disputes happening over dinner. And that was something _everyone_ could agree to.

They began eating in complete silence, recovering from the tension of the alphabet game. After a few minutes, Eunsuh initiated a conversation; she probably felt uncomfortable with the silence.

“So, Junhee,” she started between bites, “what’s the house like?”

“Mm!” grunted Junhee, covering his mouth as he finished chewing and swallowed. “It’s a nice cabin in the woods. It’s kind of built on a slope, so even though the basement is _technically_ a basement, there’s a door down there. A sliding glass door. I think we have an air hockey table down there, too. Um... the first floor is carpeted and feels really... homey. Oh, and there’s a loft. I think there were beds up there before we bought the cabin, but the sellers took them when we bought it. We never really used the loft for bedding anyway, so we just kept an air mattress up there in case we ever needed it.”

“So I’ll be up in the loft, then!” realized Eunsuh, eyes dazzling with excitement. “Will I be the first to use the air mattress?”

“No,” replied Jason. “I’ve used it a few times. I went up there a few times with Junnie and his moms, when we were younger.”

“Didn’t you say there was a river?” asked Sehyoon.

“Yeah,” replied Junhee, “but Hun was the one who said that. It’s called the Whiskey River.”

“It’s really more of a stream,” added Jason. “It’s really rocky, too, so crayfish live in there. Right—” he turned to Junhee— “we’ll need to get river shoes.”

“Mm, true,” replied Junhee, and the two began talking about when to resolve the issue. They discussed whether they should buy or rent shoes, when to take care of it, and where they should go depending on their choice. Sehyoon tuned them out after a while, since he didn’t really understand what they were talking about, and continued eating sluggishly, engulfed in his own personal bubble of silence. It wasn’t because he felt alone—no, he was trying to concentrate on eating.

Sehyoon had a strange— _condition,_ he supposed, which made eating rather nauseating whenever he was nervous or upset, which was unfortunately often, or when he was excited. Although that transpired significantly less often, it happened to be the case now. Often he forced himself to eat, partially because he _knew_ he had to, but mostly so he wouldn’t worry the people around him.

However, he had a limit. After eating about a third of the burrito he _thought_ he’d be able to eat, he set it down on the wax paper it had come wrapped in and wiped off his slimy fingers.

“You need to eat more than _that,_ Yoonie,” said Yuchan from across the table, and everyone looked at Sehyoon, then the partially-eaten burrito in front of him.

“Can you at least eat a _little_ more?” asked Junhee, concern written all over his face.

“Maybe?” replied Sehyoon, unsure. “Gimme a minute. Burritos aren’t very friendly.”

“Probably because they’re inanimate,” said Donghun, taking a bite out of his own burrito.

Sehyoon chuckled softly, and the six of them fell silent once more. They only remained there for about ten more minutes. All of them finished their food except for Sehyoon, but he managed to eat enough to be satisfied with himself.

The six of them piled back into the car with the same seating arrangement as before: Junhee driving, Donghun in the front seat, Yuchan between Sehyoon and Jason in the middle seat, and Eunsuh directly behind Sehyoon in the backseat.

The alphabet game resumed. It went on relatively quickly from there; until Z, there weren’t any hard letters left to find. Even X was easy to find, since it was on every exit sign.

Observing the game was far from entertaining, if Jason and Eunsuh’s behavior had anything to say about it. Eunsuh went right to sleep, but Jason took his time. He made a comfortable pillow of Yuchan’s shoulder, and claimed his hand by lacing their fingers together. He lay there with his eyes open for a while, but within half an hour, he had fallen asleep.

Because Jason’s head was tucked neatly into the crook of his neck, Yuchan couldn’t turn his head to look out the window on his left. He could only use the window on his right and the window out front to complete his alphabet, while Donghun and Sehyoon could easily see everywhere out the car. As such, Sehyoon was the next one to complete the alphabet, and Donghun finished shortly afterward. And with that, the sleeping arrangements were decided: Donghun, Sehyoon, and Jason would share the big bed, and Junhee and Yuchan were left to the small one.

“Well,” said Yuchan, “now that that’s decided, there’s no point in finishing the alphabet.”

“You’re no fun,” Sehyoon told him, a small grin on his face.

“How far are we, Junnie?” asked Yuchan, ignoring Sehyoon.

“We’ve got about four hours to go,” replied Junhee.

“Oh, okay. I’m gonna sleep then.” Yuchan rested his head on top of Jason’s and closed his eyes.

Sehyoon then looked to Donghun, half expecting him to announce how he would be spending the next hour or so, but he didn’t say anything, so Sehyoon looked out the window, into the sky. The sun was setting, and a gradient of vibrant colors had spread across the sky, as if someone had spilled blue, orange, and pink paint into a puddle. Not a single cloud obscured it—a stark contrast from the gray, overcast sky back home. The sheer beauty of it put a smile on Sehyoon’s face and filled him with warmth.

“Junnie,” he said, “have you checked the weather for this week?”

“There won’t be a drop of rain all week,” replied Junhee, and Sehyoon could hear the smile in his voice—a sound that widened his own smile as he looked back out the window.

The highway was hardly a highway anymore; the exits were no longer numbered, and alongside the road was a field that stretched out as far as the eye could see. No words were in his mind as he looked out over the field; only a feeling.

The feeling was freedom.

Sehyoon watched the grains in the field rush by for a moment. Then, content with the view, he closed his eyes for a moment—or, at least, he only _thought_ it’d been a moment.

When he came to, Yuchan was shaking him awake.

“Did I fall asleep?” asked Sehyoon, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“Yeah.” Yuchan stopped shaking him. “We’re almost there!”

Sehyoon looked out the window. It was dark out, but by the light of a streetlight, he spotted a lone Dairy Queen at an intersection up ahead.

“How close?” asked Sehyoon.

“We’re, like, ‘I remember that Dairy Queen’ close,” answered Jason. “I could probably walk there from here.”

Junhee took a left turn onto a gravel path, and they entered the woods. The path branched off several times, indicating that there was more than one log cabin out here on the Whiskey River in The Middle Of Nowhere, USA.

And then they had arrived. Once the car was parked in the garage, the six of them took bags out of the trunk and into the house.

Sehyoon found himself standing on a scratchy carpet that ended directly in front of him, replaced by a linoleum kitchen floor. The kitchen was charmingly small, as expected—on the right was a refrigerator, a stove and oven, and a small amount of counter space taken up by a toaster. The counter followed the wall around a corner and stretched out under a set of three tall windows that were evidently looking out over something, but Sehyoon couldn’t see out them in the dark of midnight. Directly below the middle window was a sink, after which the counter snaked around to form a sort of peninsula that acted as a partition between the kitchen and a dining area, which was empty save for a table and six chairs pushed into it. Beyond the dining room was more, but it was too dark for Sehyoon to see what.

Junhee let out a sigh and looked around, smiling as he set down his bags. “Here at last.” He turned to Sehyoon. “Your room’s right here, Yoonie,” he said, and squeezed past Sehyoon into a hallway to his right. At the end of the hallway was a door, and on the left was another. Junhee opened the latter and flipped a lightswitch to reveal a large bed—just the right size for three people.

Sehyoon entered the room and set his bag down in a corner as Jason and Donghun entered behind him and did the same. After a moment, Junhee spoke again.

“C’mon, I’ll show you the bathroom.”

The three of them followed Junhee out of the bedroom and into the dining area, where Yuchan and Eunsuh were waiting. The dining room split off on the left into an entry area leading to the front door—they’d entered through the garage—and on the right side of the entry area was an open door that led to the bathroom.

“Wow,” said Donghun, turning on the lights. “This is big.”

He was right. The bathroom was rather large—specifically, the ceiling was quite high. Overall, it was extremely nice, and had a feel of a luxury lodge atop a mountain.

It was the only luxurious room in the house.

Junhee showed them the living room, which lay beyond the dining room. It was very large, in terms of both floorspace and height—which made sense, because above was the loft. There was a TV with a satellite, and across from it were a few chairs and a couch, which sort of split the room in half. Behind the couch was a little more open space, and a table, and against the wall, under the stairs, there was what appeared to be an electric organ. Sehyoon found its presence surprising; he couldn’t help but wonder who played it.

Junhee didn’t show them the loft. He insisted there wasn’t much to see there. Instead, he led Donghun, Sehyoon, and Yuchan into the basement. Jason took Eunsuh up to the loft, though, so he could help her with the air mattress.

The basement wasn’t carpeted. The floor and walls were smooth white cement, which kind of dissipated the comfort of the floor above. The first basement room had a rug, a couch, some beanbag chairs, and a TV on a small cabinet. The cabinet was chock-full of movies Sehyoon didn’t recognize.

The second room hardly had anything in it, despite its large size—just a computer and an air hockey table. A few doorways led to another bathroom (which didn’t even have a door; the only thing providing privacy was a rug hung up over a horizontal bar), a utility room, and another bedroom, which was once more carpeted, and contained the queen bed Junhee and Yuchan would be sharing.

By then, they’d seen the whole house, and with a yawn, Junhee turned to them.

“Well, you two know where to go. I’m going to bed.”

“I guess I’ll go to bed too, then,” said Yuchan. “Good night, guys!” he added to Sehyoon and Donghun, disappearing into the bedroom.

They exchanged a few more goodnights and some kisses before Donghun and Sehyoon headed back upstairs. Jason was already back in their bedroom, digging through his duffel.

“Did Eunsuh go to bed already?” asked Sehyoon.

“I left her alone so she could unpack and stuff,” replied Jason, adding a pair of clean underwear to a small stack of clothes next to him as he zipped up the bag. “I’m gonna take a shower real quick.”

“Good,” said Donghun. “I was gonna kick you out of the bed for being smelly. This is better.”

Jason cracked a smile and shook his head before heading off to the bathroom without another word.

As Sehyoon sank into a chair in the corner to scroll through Twitter, Donghun changed into his pajamas (which flustered Sehyoon a _lot)_ and climbed under the covers on the bed. Sehyoon really wasn’t focused on his Twitter feed; he was focused on the fact that he had _no_ idea what he was supposed to be doing. Questions swirled around in his mind: _Should I just change in front of him? Should I wait for Jason to get out of the bathroom and change in there?_ But those questions were hardly the biggest ones at hand.

_How do I get into a bed when there’s already someone in it?_

He’d cuddled with the others plenty, so that wasn’t the problem. But he’d never done it on a _bed_ before, and he’d always slept alone, for as long as he could remember. The others were so used to living like this, and Sehyoon didn’t want to seem... uncomfortable. Awkward. Nervous. He just wanted to be normal. Even if he didn’t _feel_ normal, being perceived as such would be enough.

On a whim of stupidity, Sehyoon thought Eunsuh might be able to help.

 

_To **Kim Eunsuh**_

**Kim Sehyoon:** how does one  
**Kim Sehyoon:** like  
**Kim Sehyoon:** get into bed with someone

 **Kim Eunsuh:** lol wtf  
**Kim Eunsuh:** why would i know???

 **Kim Sehyoon:** idk you’re more socially adept than me

 **Kim Eunsuh:** may i remind you that you’re the one with the soulmates

 **Kim Sehyoon:** rip sorry  
**Kim Sehyoon:** but haven’t you, like, at least messed around with other people who haven’t found theirs yet??

 **Kim Eunsuh:** no  
**Kim Eunsuh:** well  
**Kim Eunsuh:** yes but nothing like THAT  
**Kim Eunsuh:** and i KNOW you’ve messed around too ;)

 **Kim Sehyoon:** ;;;  
**Kim Sehyoon:** i have no idea what you’re talking about

 **Kim Eunsuh:** sure you don’t  
**Kim Eunsuh:** didn’t you commit all kinds of sins the first year you knew these guys?

 **Kim Sehyoon:** that’s  
**Kim Sehyoon:** ...  
**Kim Sehyoon:** the only “sin” was the fact that none of you knew

 **Kim Eunsuh:** i find that kind of doubtful tbh

 **Kim Sehyoon:** ...  
**Kim Sehyoon:** anyway

 **Kim Eunsuh:** lol

 **Kim Sehyoon:** but seriously what do i do?

 **Kim Eunsuh:** what, is there not space or something?

 **Kim Sehyoon:** no there is  
**Kim Sehyoon:** i’m just completely lost when it comes to initiating things

 **Kim Eunsuh:** well you came to the wrong person because i am incredibly inexperienced

 **Kim Sehyoon:** ugh ok

 **Kim Eunsuh:** why don’t u just... like...  
**Kim Eunsuh:** climb in

 

Sehyoon looked up at Donghun, who was also on his phone.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

Donghun glanced at Sehyoon, then looked back down at his phone. “Nah. When you and Jason get into bed, you’ll just wake me up. So I’m waiting for you guys to get in.”

Sehyoon dipped his head guiltily. _He’s been waiting for me._

“Ah, Yoonie, don’t worry about it,” said Donghun quickly, noticing his guilt. “Why don’t you put on your pajamas?”

“Uh—”

“I won’t look, if it bothers you.”

Sehyoon rose from his chair, leaving his phone behind. He walked over to his bag to get his pajamas, and changed into them.

“I’m done.”

Donghun looked up from his phone again, and upon seeing Sehyoon, he smiled warmly. He reached over and set his phone on the nightstand, then held his arms out to Sehyoon, beckoning for him to join him. “C’mere.”

Sehyoon, entire body jittery, climbed into the bed and under the covers, then awkwardly scooted across the mattress to close the gap between him and Donghun.

Donghun wrapped an arm around Sehyoon’s torso and gave him a light squeeze. “There’s the Yoonie I love,” he teased quietly, and tenderly pressed his lips to Sehyoon’s forehead for a moment.

Sehyoon felt his cheeks get warm, and to hide his blush, he buried his face in Donghun’s chest. This kind of intimacy was nothing new—who knew a mere _bed_ could make him so flustered?

Sehyoon felt Donghun laugh as he gently ran his fingers through Sehyoon’s thick black hair. Sehyoon almost shuddered at the sensation; instead, he let out a contented sigh, which earned him another chuckle from Donghun.

Sehyoon heard the door creak, then click shut.

“Is he asleep?” asked Jason, evidently referring to Sehyoon.

“No,” answered Donghun, and Sehyoon felt his voice more than he heard it. “He just climbed in.”

“Man,” said Jason, awed. “You two are so cute together. I almost feel like I’m intruding.”

“Don’t be like that,” said Donghun. “Just get in.”

“Okay.”

Sehyoon heard the flip of a lightswitch, and footsteps moved toward the bed behind him before Jason spoke again.

“Are you _sure_ he’s not asleep?”

“I’m awake,” said Sehyoon, moving his face out of Donghun’s chest so he could better be heard.

“Oh.”

Sehyoon felt the bed sag as Jason plopped down into it. He didn’t waste his time getting close to Sehyoon; within seconds, his arms had snaked their way around Sehyoon’s waist, and his chest was pressed against Sehyoon’s back. His nose brushed against the back of Sehyoon’s head, and he felt his breath on the back of his neck.

Sehyoon’s heart raced.

“Well, goodnight,” said Donghun, and the hand with which he’d been stroking Sehyoon’s hair came to rest on his shoulder.

“Goodnight,” replied Jason and Sehyoon simultaneously.

Donghun fell asleep fairly quickly—Sehyoon was no clock, but he estimated it’d been about fifteen minutes when his breathing slowed and his hand fell away from Sehyoon’s shoulder. Sehyoon couldn’t tell whether Jason was still awake. But it didn’t matter; what mattered was that Sehyoon was very much awake, and his pulse was roaring in his ears so loudly that he doubted he’d fall asleep anytime soon. Which wouldn’t be a problem if he was alone. The problem was that his heart was beating so hard that he worried it would wake up Donghun, or Jason, or both. He did his best to calm himself down so he could get to sleep, but nothing would work. He was about to let out a frustrated sigh when his fears became reality.

Jason let out a heavy sigh, almost directly into Sehyoon’s ear, since he was so close. He gave his hip a pat as he whispered, “Sleep, Yoonie.”

Sehyoon was silent for a moment, and so was everything else, except for the loud, rapid beating of his heart.

“I’m sorry,” whispered Sehyoon. “Did I wake you up?”

“No,” answered Jason, sliding his hand up Sehyoon’s torso and onto his chest, resting it directly over his heart. “I can tell you’re nervous. Why?”

“I’m worried I’ll wake him up.”

“You won’t. Don’t worry. Go to sleep.”

“But what if I wake you up?”

“I’ll make sure you fall asleep first. So go to sleep.”

Sehyoon lay still for a moment and blinked, as if blinking enough would wash away the darkness in the room. He wondered for a moment how Jason would know when he fell asleep, but he didn’t bother asking. He closed his eyes, relaxing as best he could into Jason, as if they’d melded together into a single being.

Jason gave Sehyoon a light squeeze with his arm, and pressed a kiss to the back of his shoulder.

“Good night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading <3 hopefully i can finish chapter 2 within the next month but i?? wouldn't expect much  
> at least spring break just started. hopefully i can make some progress~  
> if you have any questions about the au or the story or just in general leave them below~
> 
> things you need to know about this:  
> -i have never been to a qdoba  
> -i have never eaten a burrito  
> -no i did not make up that entire cabin, i've been to that cabin before  
> -i'm a filthy american, and now, so are they  
> -any characters that aren’t tagged are random people i made up and have no real life counterparts
> 
> btw i'm all over the internet:  
> follow my kpop account on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/charmi.choice/)  
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/charmikarma)  
> ask me questions on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/charmikarma)  
> follow me on [tumblr](https://charmikarma.tumblr.com)  
> join the [kpop readers/writers discord server](https://discord.gg/rmU4mKy)
> 
> see yall in a month or two


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot to mention this at the end of the first chapter, but i've aged some people up and down a bit. eunsuh is one year older, and i'll spare you the exact adjustments of all the rest of them, but they're all just 96 liners here. so basically jason's the only one who's the same age lmao  
> on the topic of jason, i WILL continue to call him jason in this fic. and no, it's not because i'm lazy. i have reasons. like, Reasons™.  
> enjoy this chapter! it took a REALLY LONG TIME to write. over two months! whew. i'll start working on the next one soon, and hopefully summer will free me enough to finish in less time than that, lol..  
>  **edit: i was asked by a reader to put a warning for this chapter for an in-depth description of.. depression? self-degradation? it’s hard to describe. if you may be affected by something like that, please tread carefully.**

### –JANUARY 1, 2010–

New Year’s Day is usually a mess of sleep deprivation, even after sleeping until noon. It was a thousand times worse when one of Donghun’s three fathers, Jongkook, barged into his room at 8 A.M. to inform him with very rapid speech that they needed to go to the hospital for a reason Donghun didn’t catch.

He was exhausted; his family had spent the previous night at a New Years’ party in the next town over at the house of a girl in Donghun’s grade named Soyoung. Donghun didn’t know her, but one of her mothers had organized a party for the families of the PTA members. Jongkook was a member, and so was Donghun’s best friend Yuchan’s dad, Chanyeok.

In Donghun’s eyes, the party was hardly a New Years’ celebration—it was Yuchan’s birthday party. And it was a special birthday, too—his thirteenth. The two had spent the evening fantasizing about his marks, which had yet to appear. Where would they be? How many would there be? What would they look like? Who would they match with?

Donghun had found himself hoping they’d match his own marks. He was still thirteen, so he couldn’t be sure that all of his marks had appeared yet, but there were three so far. One was on his left wrist, another on his right shoulder, and a third to the left of his belly button.

Donghun sluggishly pulled himself out of bed and tugged on some casual clothes. He didn’t bother brushing his teeth or combing his hair. He was too tired.

He and Jongkook climbed into the car and headed in the direction of the hospital.

“Where is everyone?” asked Donghun, yawning.

“Still asleep,” replied Jongkook.

“So why’d you wake me up?”

Jongkook shot Donghun a glance. “Did you not hear what I said?”

“No, you were talking really fast.”

“Yuchan is in the hospital,” he said.

Donghun stared at him, searching his face for any sign that he was joking, but judging by his expression, it was clear he wasn’t.

“What happened?” asked Donghun, his voice almost a whisper.

“Car crash,” replied Jongkook. “I don’t know the details.”

“Will he be okay?”

“Dunno. We’re going to find out.”

The two were silent for the rest of the drive. Donghun felt empty. Yuchan would be fine, right? Right. Yeah. He’d be fine.

When they arrived at the hospital, they learned unfortunate news: both of Yuchan’s mothers had passed away. Chanyeok was still unconscious. Yuchan, however, had recently awoken, and was in need of moral support after hearing what had happened.

The doctor led the two of them down a long hallway and opened the door to Yuchan’s room.

Jongkook placed his hands on Donghun’s shoulders and leaned over to whisper, “You go in alone. I don’t know Yuchan well enough to comfort him.”

Donghun nodded and entered the room.

“Dongdong,” murmured Yuchan, looking up at Donghun with the saddest face he’d ever seen. His eyes glistened with tears and his cheek was swollen and bruised. His right arm was in a cast.

“Channie,” said Donghun, pulling over a stool to sit next to the bed as quickly as he could. “What happened to you?”

“We were on our way home from the party... A drunk driver hit the side of our car. I don’t remember much, but my arm got broken. Chanyeok has a concussion. Yeonji and Dayun...” Yuchan’s face fell.

“I know,” said Donghun. “I heard.”

Yuchan sniffled and the tears started to fall. He wiped his face as well as he could with his uninjured hand.

Donghun didn’t know what to do. He stared at the sheets of the bed, his vision blurry as his mind emptied itself. A painful sorrow bloomed in his chest. Donghun hadn’t been close with Yuchan’s mothers, but he was close with Yuchan, and couldn’t bear to see his friend—his _best_ friend—in such a state. He wanted to help him, but _how?_

Yuchan let out a sob, and the sound startled Donghun out of his daze. He looked down at Yuchan’s quivering figure.

There was something on the back of his neck. It was a mark—there was no mistaking it. It was the same mark that was on Donghun’s wrist, and his belly, and his shoulder.

His hand flew to the back of his own neck, as if he could feel the mark if he touched it.

 _We’re soulmates,_ he realized, somewhat awed.

And suddenly, he knew what he had to do.

He rose from the stool and knelt on the bed, carefully wrapping his arms around Yuchan’s body. Almost immediately, Yuchan turned to bury his face in Donghun’s chest, wrapping his arm around to tightly clutch the back of his shirt. Donghun didn’t dare speak—he was too afraid of saying something to the effect of “It’s okay,” which would be a blatantly false statement.

Donghun rested his chin on top of Yuchan’s head with a sigh.

Both of Yuchan’s mothers were dead. Chanyeok was unlikely to respond well when he woke up to learn that fact. He had also suffered a concussion, so he probably wouldn’t be a fully functional parent for a while. Frankly, the situation was a mess.

What now?

### –JULY 21, 2018–

As Donghun slowly regained consciousness, he became vaguely aware of the fact that his arm was no longer lazily draped over Sehyoon’s body. When he was conscious enough for that awareness to become a full-fledged realization, he opened his eyes. He was greeted by the sleeping face of Sehyoon, illuminated by morning sunlight streaming in through the window behind him.

Donghun’s heart fluttered; he couldn’t help but smile. Sehyoon looked peaceful—well, he always looked peaceful, but now he was beyond even that—he was _serene._

At the sight, though, Donghun couldn’t help but wonder just how much Sehyoon struggled on a daily basis to look this much _more_ peaceful without the stress of consciousness. He couldn’t even begin to understand everything Sehyoon had gone through—everything Sehyoon was _going_ through. Donghun wanted to try living Sehyoon’s life, even if only for a day. He knew even that would be hard, but it was a price he was willing to pay simply to understand.

Donghun reached for Sehyoon’s face, gingerly pushing a lock of his hair behind his ear. _Sleep for a while longer,_ he told him in his mind, _and when you wake up, be happy without worries._

A strange sound interrupted the moment—the grumble of his own stomach. It was then that he realized just how hungry he was. _Breakfast,_ he thought, sitting up and climbing out of bed. Just before he left the room, he looked back at Sehyoon once more, and realized that there was another body pressed up against his.

Jason. Right.

Donghun stifled a laugh. It was funny; either Sehyoon was so beautiful that Donghun had forgotten Jason was there, or the two were so close that in his drowsiness Donghun registered them as one person. He was inclined to believe the latter.

Donghun slipped out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him with a soft _click._ When he went into the kitchen to look for food, he noticed a note on the counter. He picked it up and read the message.

 

_Donghun, Sehyoon, Jason, and Eunsuh—_

_Channie and I went out to buy groceries and river shoes. We should be back before noon._

_♡ Jun_

 

Donghun frowned at the message, then turned around to look at the clock on the stove.

It was 12:03.

Donghun let out a sigh and reentered the bedroom to retrieve his phone, sending a text to Yuchan.

 

_To **Kang Yuchan**_

**Lee Donghun:** where are you guys?

 

He waited a moment for a reply, but his stomach grumbled again, begging to be filled, so he pocketed the phone in favor of scouring the kitchen for food.

There wasn’t any.

Well, there was _some_ food, but it was just a near-empty jug of likely spoiled apple juice (if apple juice could even spoil with so many preservatives funneled into it) and some probably expired chocolate chip cookie dough.

So, basically, no food.

Donghun let out a frustrated sigh. _Really, where are they?_ And, in an extremely timely manner, his phone buzzed. Yuchan had replied.

 

_To **Kang Yuchan**_

**Kang Yuchan:** we’re in the process of getting shoes, after that we’ll get groceries and head back

 **Lee Donghun:** it’s 12:15

 **Kang Yuchan:** yeah sorry!! we decided to go out for breakfast that’s what took us so long haha

 **Lee Donghun:** you can’t be serious  
**Lee Donghun:** how much longer will you be?

 **Kang Yuchan:** umm idk  
**Kang Yuchan:** maybe an hour max?

 **Lee Donghun:** oh my god

 **Kang Yuchan:** why? is there something wrong?

 **Lee Donghun:** did you guys seriously not realize that there’s no food here

 **Kang Yuchan:** fuck

 **Lee Donghun:** fuck indeed

 **Kang Yuchan:** there’s really nothing? nothing at all?

 **Lee Donghun:** i mean unless you want me to bake this cookie dough but idk if it’s good anymore

 **Kang Yuchan:** check the date

 

Donghun checked the date. He was surprised to discover that it was still good.

 

_To **Kang Yuchan**_

**Lee Donghun:** it’s good

 **Kang Yuchan:** then bake  
**Kang Yuchan:** for your survival...  
_**Kang Yuchan** sent a photo._

 **Lee Donghun:** don’t send me crying memes  
**Lee Donghun:** send me food

 **Kang Yuchan:** sorry babe ur gonna have to wait :(

 **Lee Donghun:** pls do not babe me i am starving

 **Kang Yuchan:** sorry :(((

 

By then, Donghun was too frustrated with the situation to respond anymore, so he turned off his phone and set it on the counter as he scoured the kitchen once more️, this time with more success, for cookie sheets. As he was filling the first sheet with balls of dough, Eunsuh wandered in.

“Need any help?” she asked amiably, taking a seat on one of the wicker stools pushed under the counter.

Donghun glanced up at her, then continued with the task, shaking his head. “No, I’ll be fine.”

“So...” started Eunsuh, immediately pausing, as if to gather her thoughts. “Are you baking cookies for fun, or...?”

“No,” replied Donghun. “This is just the only food in the house.”

Eunsuh laughed for a moment, then, realizing Donghun was very much not laughing, stopped.

There was a moment of silence.

“You’re not joking, are you.”

“No,” replied Donghun, frustration clear in his voice. “I’m not.”

“So... Where are the others?”

“Yoonie and Jason are still asleep. Channie and Junnie went to get groceries and river shoes.”

“Ah.”

Donghun finished filling the cookie sheet and turned around to put it in the oven—only to realize he’d forgotten to preheat it. He let out a heavy sigh and pressed a series of buttons to get the oven started. God, this day was _not_ going as planned.

“Well, while that’s heating up, why don’t you tell me about how you met them? You know—the others?”

Donghun took another cookie sheet out of the cupboard and set it on the counter next to the first sheet. He was already placing a second ball of dough on the tray by the time he spoke.

“Which one of them?”

“Mmm, I don’t know,” replied Eunsuh immediately. “Which one did you meet first?”

“I met Channie first,” answered Donghun, not looking up from the cookie dough. “We’ve known each other for a very long time—almost twenty years, I think. I don’t even have a memory of _meeting_ him. He’s just always been there.”

“What about Junhee?”

“He was in my english class freshman year of high school.”

“And Jason?”

“Junhee introduced him to me. Jason was living at Junhee’s house back then.”

“What? Why?”

Donghun shrugged. “I don’t know. I never bothered to ask. It seemed too personal.”

“Okay, then what about Sehyoon?”

“Jason met him in their senior year of high school.”

“Oh? How’d that go?”

Donghun shrugged. “I don’t remember the details. Jason could tell the story better than me.”

Eunsuh hummed. “I’ll have to ask him about it, then.”

The oven beeped, signaling that the preheating was done. By then, Donghun had filled up the second cookie sheet, so he took both trays, and one by one placed them carefully into the oven. He set a timer for ten minutes, and was just about to turn around and continue conversing casually with Eunsuh when—

“Do you not like me or something?”

Donghun froze. _What?_

He turned around to look at Eunsuh, bewildered.

“What? No. What makes you say that?”

Eunsuh shrugged. “You come off as really cold, that’s all. Rude, even.”

“I’m just frustrated this morning. Don’t take it personally.”

“It’s not just this morning,” insisted Eunsuh. “You were cold in the car yesterday, too.”

Donghun frowned as he considered the notion. _Cold? Really? There’s no way, right? I’m not a cold person._

Before he could further question it, the bedroom door opened, and Jason emerged into the kitchen, leading Sehyoon by the hand.

“Good morning,” said Jason, and Sehyoon rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“Mornin’,” mumbled Donghun.

“How’d you sleep?” asked Eunsuh.

“Pretty good, I think,” answered Jason, gazing at Sehyoon, a smile tugging at his lips. He leaned forward slightly, and Donghun thought he was going to kiss him, but Sehyoon turned his head toward Donghun and spoke.

“What’s for breakfast?”

Donghun raised his eyebrows, mildly surprised. “Chocolate chip cookies,” he answered. “They’re in the oven.”

Jason stared at Sehyoon, bewildered and slightly insulted.

Sehyoon didn’t appear to notice. “Why chocolate chip cookies?”

“It’s all there was.”

“Oh. How much longer will they be?”

“Ten minutes. I just put them in. After that they have to cool.”

“I helped!” added Eunsuh cheerily, and Donghun scowled in her direction.

“Oh, you did?” asked Sehyoon.

“No,” she admitted, suddenly sullen. “He wouldn’t let me.”

Before Sehyoon could reply, Jason made his move: he gave Sehyoon’s hand a tug so that he would turn his face toward him, and before Sehyoon knew what was coming, he had gracefully pecked him on the lips.

Sehyoon released Jason’s hand and took a step back, blushing fiercely. He glanced at Eunsuh almost _fearfully,_ and everyone knew something was wrong.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” asked Jason after a moment, but Donghun didn’t give Sehyoon a chance to make up an answer.

“Hey, Sehyoon, why don’t we go hang out in the living room?” he offered. “Eunsuh wanted to know how you and Jason met. He can tell the story and keep an eye on the cookies.”

Sehyoon, clearly desperate to leave the room, agreed immediately. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

Donghun went into the living room, Sehyoon trailing behind. He sat on the couch, back against the armrest, and Sehyoon sat in the space between his legs, his back against Donghun’s chest. Donghun ran his hands slowly through Sehyoon’s hair, in hopes of soothing his troubled mind.

That wasn’t the only reason Donghun tangled his fingers in Sehyoon’s hair, though. He loved his hair. It was long and thick; more so than any of the others’ hair. No matter how much time Donghun spent combing it with his fingers, he’d never be able to touch it all. It was almost never-ending, like space—and even the color was like space: dark as can be, with the occasional glimmer like starlight. Donghun’s tan fingers paled against the black fibers of his hair—the soft, thick fibers that brought a natural calm to Donghun’s mind.

Sehyoon sighed contentedly, like he had the previous night, but this time Donghun could feel it in his entire body, and it sent shivers down his spine. He leaned forward and rested his face in Sehyoon’s hair. He took in a deep breath, and with it Sehyoon’s scent—his citrusy shampoo, mostly, but Donghun knew from experience that Sehyoon’s breath smelled (and tasted) of mint, and that the rest of him smelled like—well, Donghun couldn’t put a name to the scent, but he always smelled fresh, like a... forest. Or... a lake. A clean lake, though. Not one of those gross ones bordering on being a bog.

Needless to say, Sehyoon had a tendency to mess with his head.

Donghun let out a deep sigh, and his mind returned to the task at hand—figuring out what had unnerved Sehyoon.

He lifted his face out of Sehyoon’s hair, resting his chin on his head instead, and whispered, “What happened back there? Is it something with Eunsuh?”

Sehyoon didn’t reply for a moment.

“It’s not... _really_ Eunsuh.”

Donghun wrapped both his arms around Sehyoon’s midsection, as if doing so could pull him closer than he already was. “Then what is it?”

“It’s—” Sehyoon paused, searching for the right words— _“everyone,_ really. I feel like... I don’t know. It feels like if one person sees, the whole world sees.”

“Which includes Yuna.”

“Yeah.”

“It won’t always be like that,” said Donghun, and he was just about to sneak a peck to his cheek, or maybe a kiss to his neck, or maybe, if he was feeling adventurous enough, a nibble at his ear, when the oven beeped loudly, and the moment was interrupted.

The oven door creaked as it opened, and then a yelp sounded from the kitchen, which Donghun could only assume was due to Jason’s attempt to remove a tray without oven mitts.

“Lee Donghun!” called Jason. “What the fuck am I supposed to do?” There was muffled laughter before Jason added a slightly softer comment— “Don’t laugh at me!”

Donghun sighed. “This is why we don’t let him cook,” he told Sehyoon, who chuckled softly. “I think I have to get up, though.”

“But _Dongdongie,”_ whined Sehyoon, drawing out the nickname as long as he could.

Donghun smiled and shifted a bit. “C’mon, move. We can continue this later. I’m hungry.”

Sehyoon let out another groan in protest, but leaned forward, just enough for Donghun to wiggle his way off the couch. He stood in front of the couch, looking at Sehyoon, and, smile still on his lips, said, “You’re insufferable. You know that?”

Sehyoon smiled back as if the insult were a compliment. “I try.”

Donghun snorted and headed into the kitchen. There was a potholder hooked on the fridge handle, and with it, he pulled the first tray out of the oven, then the second.

“I burned myself,” stated Jason, an edge of panic to his voice.

Eunsuh giggled, but quickly silenced herself, surely because Jason had glared at her.

As Donghun worked at transferring each of the cookies to a cooling rack he’d found with the cookie sheets, he stole a glance at Jason’s hand, which he held out open in front of him. It was bright red and mildly irritated, but nothing severe as far as he could tell.

“You’re fine. Calm down.”

“It hurts, though!”

“Quit being a baby.”

And then he stopped. His hand hovered over the next cookie for a moment, then fell to his side. _This must be what Eunsuh was talking about._

“No. No,” said Donghun, shaking his head vigorously. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Jason blinked. “What?”

Donghun looked to Eunsuh. “Eunsuh, would you mind taking care of the cookies?” 

“Of course not,” she replied, hopping off the stool she was sitting on to get to work.

Donghun went over to the sink and turned on the faucet. He put his hand under the water to make sure it was cold, then grabbed Jason’s wrist and thrust his hand under the water. He stiffened at first, likely due to the cold, but quickly relaxed.

“Does it feel better?” asked Donghun after a moment, though he already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” replied Jason. “You seem like you have experience with this kind of thing.”

“You get a lot of burns when you first learn how to cook.”

“I never knew that.”

“Well, I already knew how to cook long before we moved in together. I learned when I was...” Donghun thought for a moment. “When I was in seventh grade, maybe?” 

“I’m done with the cookies,” said Eunsuh. “Can I eat one?”

“No. They have to cool down for a couple minutes.”

“How long do I have to keep my hand under the water?”

“However long you want,” replied Donghun, realizing that he was still holding Jason’s wrist and releasing it. “Your burn isn’t that bad.”

“I’ll wait for the cookies, then.”

Donghun stared at the cookies. It was almost impossible to resist the urge to stuff his face, but he knew if he did, he’d just burn his tongue. Maybe it was a worthy sacrifice, though; he deserved it if he really was a soulmate as shitty as he was starting to think.

The door to the garage opened, and the crinkling of plastic grocery bags announced the arrival of food.

“We’re back!” announced Yuchan, as if everyone had not already noticed.

“So you had the nerve to come back,” remarked Donghun. “Early, too.”

Yuchan frowned, looking as if he was going to respond, but his gaze wandered to Jason. “What are you doing?”

“Oh,” said Jason, suddenly shutting off the faucet. “I’m just. You know.”

“Washing your hands?” offered Yuchan.

“He tried to take out the cookie sheet with his bare hands,” said Eunsuh, grinning.

Yuchan laughed, and, glancing at the cookies, asked, “Can I have one?”

“No,” said Donghun immediately.

“Don’t be like that,” scolded Junhee, who had just entered behind Yuchan.

At that, Donghun realized he’d once more been rude, and felt a pang of guilt.

As Yuchan pushed past Donghun and stuffed a still-too-hot cookie into his mouth, Junhee continued: “Where’s Yoonie?”

Donghun pointed into the living room, and Junhee went to fetch Sehyoon.

“These are really good,” said Yuchan once he had swallowed his cookie. “But hot.”

“Well, they’re still cooling.”

“I’m eating one,” said Jason, and he did just that.

“So why are you back early?” asked Donghun.

“When I told Junhee there wasn’t any food here, he said we should rush back.”

“I hope you didn’t speed on the roads,” warned Donghun, eyebrows raised.

Yuchan winced. “We... didn’t?”

 _“Channie,”_ scolded Donghun. “You should have stopped him.”

“I tried! He wouldn’t listen!”

Donghun shook his head, sighing. “Maybe we should bring these cookies to the table. It seems like they’re done.”

“I got it,” said Jason, and as he carried the cooling rack, cookies and all, to the table, Junhee and Sehyoon reentered the dining area. Within seconds, all six of then had taken their seats at the table, and were wildly reaching for cookie after cookie—even Yuchan and Junhee, which irked Donghun a bit, since they’d already eaten. But Donghun set aside his annoyance, because for the first time all five of them were sitting together at a table eating a late breakfast in their pajamas (mostly), and though it wasn’t the _typical_ strange breakfast (leftover Chinese food, an entire frozen pizza, or instant ramen, usually), it was strange enough to be familiar—so familiar it felt like family.

But then there was Eunsuh, and though Donghun had no personal qualms with her, her mere presence was a grim reminder that Sehyoon wasn’t _their_ family yet. He still belonged to Yuna, who clearly abused him, and if the rest of his family didn’t abuse him, they certainly weren’t doing anything to help him.

Except for Eunsuh. As far as Donghun could tell, she couldn’t do much—after all, she was barely an adult—but she did what she could. When Donghun first met her, it was clear that she was the only member of Sehyoon’s family fully willing to support him.

It had been about a year after Yuna had found out, and Sehyoon had quietly slipped out of their lives. Well, not completely—one does not simply forget about one’s soulmate. Plus, he and Yuchan went to the same college, and ran into one another on occasion, but according to Yuchan, Sehyoon was always in a rush to get somewhere. Or, at least, he _acted_ like it. Though Yuchan didn’t say it outright, both of them knew Sehyoon was avoiding them.

At first, they thought it was entirely Yuna’s doing—that she had cut off Sehyoon’s access to the Internet or something; that in a week he would read all their worried, panicked, concerned texts and apologize over and over again, and they’d comfort him because that’s what they always did, because that’s all they _could_ do. But a week passed, and then another, and then the weeks had extended into months, and the four of them had fallen into a dull routine of emptiness. Sehyoon practically didn’t exist anymore, which left Donghun and the others with a deep void in their hearts. They began to doubt that he had ever existed at all, even when Yuchan saw him at college. _Especially_ when Yuchan saw him at college. Because then they knew. They knew that, for one reason or another, Sehyoon didn’t want to see them. And it hurt. So they tried to forget. For months, they tried.

Until Eunsuh had texted Junhee.

Donghun still didn’t know how she’d gotten his number—he made a mental note to ask—but she demanded to have their address so she could drive Sehyoon over. All four of them huddled at the front window, waiting for what felt like years for the car to pull up in front of the house. Jason ran out the front door as soon as they arrived, probably expecting an immediate reunion, but when the car door remained shut, his run slowed to a stop, and he backed away from the car and sat on the front porch steps, baffled. Yuchan, Donghun, and Junhee remained by the window, equally confused, and hoping desperately for something to happen.

It took thirty minutes for a car door to finally open, and it was the driver door. Eunsuh emerged from the vehicle and opened the passenger door to reveal Sehyoon.

Sehyoon did not get out of the car.

But the mere sight of him sent all four of them running toward it. Eunsuh had expertly stepped out of the way, letting the four of them practically mob Sehyoon. Within a few minutes, they managed to coax a then-crying Sehyoon out of the car and bring him into the house. None of them said a word to Eunsuh, since they were too preoccupied with Sehyoon, but Donghun made eye contact with her in an attempt to communicate a silent _Thank you._

She smiled. _No problem._

Donghun reached for another cookie—his fourth or fifth, probably, but was brought back to reality when he realized there were none left.

Junhee laughed at him. “Seems like you’re deep in thought. Need me to bake you another batch of cookies?”

Donghun shook his head. “Did you buy more dough or something?”

“We bought flour!” exclaimed Yuchan. “We figured it’d be even more fun to bake cookies from scratch together.”

Donghun smiled, looking down at the table as he shook his head. “I think I’m all baked out for today.”

“Fair enough,” said Jason, and Donghun bit back a teasing remark about how he was probably just afraid to face the wrath of the oven again. “Why don’t we go swimming?” Then, looking to Junhee, he continued: “You guys got shoes, right?”

Junhee grinned. “Of course we did.”

“Then it’s decided. We’re going swimming.” Jason looked around the table to confirm that everyone was in agreement, and when nobody objected, he rose and extended his arms upward in a deep stretch. “I’m gonna put on my trunks,” he announced, then headed into the bedroom.

They all followed suit in one way or another—Eunsuh practically bouncing up into the loft, Junhee and Yuchan slowly making their way into the basement, and Donghun and Sehyoon joining Jason in the bedroom, though Sehyoon took his clothes into the bathroom to change. He was kind of awkward about changing around them—or maybe it was that _they_ were changing around _him?_ Or maybe both. Probably both, Donghun decided.

Once they were all dressed, they migrated into the backyard to slather themselves and one another with sunscreen. The usual banter was present, this time manifesting itself as making fun of one another’s swimsuits. Only one article of clothing among the six of them was exempt: Sehyoon’s long-sleeved swim shirt.

Sehyoon never wore short sleeves. Ever. The rest of them could only speculate as to why; back when they had the nerve to ask, he’d never given an answer. “Isn’t it too warm for that?” they’d ask, and he’d tug at his sleeves and giggle uncomfortably, or say, “No, I’m fine,” at almost a whisper, or both.

Obviously, he was hiding something on his arms. Jason was convinced it was scars, Junhee was convinced it was bruises, and Yuchan didn’t seem to want to believe there even _was_ anything. Donghun had never been sure of what it was; that is, not until the previous night.

As soon as Donghun told Sehyoon he wouldn’t look while he changed, he remembered the mystery, and, though he felt guilty about it later, stole a glance at Sehyoon’s partially bare figure. He barely managed to tear his gaze away from Sehyoon’s back (he had a freckle there, sort of in the middle of the left side), but when he looked at his left arm—the same arm that had his mark—he saw them.

His already-pale skin was littered with even paler stripes. They were extremely faint; if Donghun hadn’t been looking for them, he certainly wouldn’t have noticed. Immediately, he had looked down at his phone, trying fruitlessly to think of anything but the word _scar._

He was doing the same now; they’d finished with sunscreen, and had moved on to spraying themselves down with bugspray, which smelled horrible, but it served as an effective distraction. Yuchan finished putting his on first, and Donghun, who finished second, joined him at a sort of ridge looking out over the river down below. There was a steep slope leading down to it, but Donghun could still see the glimmer of the sun reflecting off the rippling water.

“Excited?” Donghun asked Yuchan, placing a hand on his shoulder and rubbing it gently, in spite of the sunscreen and bugspray on his skin.

Yuchan stared down at the river for a moment longer, then broke out of his daze to give Donghun a reassuring smile. “Yeah. I...” his voice trailed off, and he looked back down to the river.

“You okay?” asked Donghun, sensing that Yuchan was not quite present.

“Yeah,” replied Yuchan, this time not bothering to take his eyes off the river. “I’m just worried about Chanyeok.”

“It’ll be okay,” Donghun reassured him. “We’re only gone a week.”

“A lot can happen in a week, Dongdong.”

Donghun frowned. “He has more than just you, you know.”

“Yeah, but...”

“Channie, It’s not like he’s going to spontaneously die _just_ because you’re out of town.”

Yuchan‘s blank expression morphed into more of a scowl.

“Besides, It’s not like someone can become an alcoholic in a week.”

“It’s called a _relapse,_ Donghun,” hissed Yuchan. “What, am I not allowed to worry? Is that it? I guess I always have to be the silly little ray of sunshine who has to cheer everyone up when they’re sad, but whenever _I’m_ sad, it’s just silly little Channie, being ridiculous as usual!” Yuchan sighed frustratedly and placed his face in his hands.

At first, Donghun was shocked by the outburst; he wasn’t sure what to do. But after a moment, he took Yuchan by the shoulders and turned him toward him. “Channie, I really didn’t mean—”

“Don’t touch me!” shouted Yuchan, practically throwing Donghun’s hands off with the volume of his voice. If the two didn’t already have the others’ attention, they did now. “Don’t act like you understand. It’s not like you have the emotional capacity to try.”

The last comment hit Donghun like a bullet. He staggered backward. “I—” He cast his gaze toward the ground, ashamed.

With a final frustrated huff, Yuchan stormed off and went inside.

The rest of them were completely still and silent for a moment.

“Wh... What just happened?” asked Jason.

Donghun shook his head, still staring at the ground. “Nothing,” he said, and his voice cracked as he held back tears. “Nothing. He just needs to cool down a while, I guess.”

“Are _you_ okay?” asked Jason.

 _Cold_ and _unemotional,_ Donghun told himself. _You really are horrible._

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Should we wait for him?” asked Eunsuh, looking worriedly back at the cabin.

“I’ll see what he wants to do,” said Junhee, walking toward the house. “You guys wait here.”

When Junhee had disappeared into the house, Donghun looked up at the other three. He was concerned about Sehyoon’s reaction to the situation, but Jason seemed to have it taken care of; his hand had a tight hold on Sehyoon’s, and Sehyoon didn’t look any more concerned than Jason. Eunsuh was seated on a makeshift swing that had been hung from the branches of a rather large tree, rocking slowly back and forth, eyes trained on the ground.

“This doesn’t happen often,” said Donghun suddenly, surprising himself.

“It really doesn’t,” agreed Jason. “Actually, I’ve never seen Channie get upset before. I know his dad has issues, but...” Jason looked at Donghun. “I don’t know a lot.”

“He’s an alcoholic. Er— _was_ an alcoholic. A recovering alcoholic?” Donghun shook his head, unsure. “Something like that. I think it’s because he can’t handle the grief of having no soulmates. But they died a long time ago, so I don’t know.”

“Losing your soulmates hurts a lot,” said Sehyoon, and Jason shot him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t think anyone could ever recover from losing all of them forever...”

“God,” muttered Donghun, covering his face with his hands. “I fucked up so bad.”

When Sehyoon and Jason remained silent, Eunsuh spoke. “He’ll come around.”

Donghun sighed. “I’ll just have to hope he does,” he said, voice wavering.

Donghun heard the door slam shut, and took his hands off his face to see if Yuchan had returned, but only Junhee exited the house. As he approached, Donghun had to ask: “Where’s Channie?”

Junhee stopped in front of the others and sighed. “He’s staying behind. Like Donghun said, he needs to cool down.” He gave Donghun a stern look. “You need to apologize later.”

“I—I know,” replied Donghun. “I’ll do it as soon as I can get him alone.”

Junhee stared at Donghun for a moment longer before nodding, satisfied. “Alright. Let’s go down to the river, then!”

Junhee and Jason led the three of them down a slope toward the river, and as they got closer, the slope steepened, and just before it flattened out into a short stretch of tall yellow grass, a makeshift staircase, barely a foot wide, guided them down the steepest part of the incline. The five of them walked over to the edge of the water, and Junhee started passing out river shoes, which he and Jason put on immediately, leaving their regular sneakers on a flattened patch of grass.

Donghun looked into the water. It was rockier than he’d been expecting; he expected it to just be pebbly on the bottom, and it was, but there were also big rocks balanced precariously on top of one another. If it fell, one of the big rocks could probably break someone’s foot.

Knowing that didn’t scare Donghun. He pulled on his river shoes—they were tight and thin and looked weird—and stepped into the cold water with Jason and Junhee, who had already entered.

Eunsuh stepped in next. “It’s so cold,” she complained.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have worn a bikini, then,” retorted Donghun, and after a moment he realized what he’d said, wincing. “Sorry.”

Eunsuh shook her head. “It’s fine.” She turned around slightly, not daring to move her feet because of the rocks she had slipped her feet between. “Sehyoon, are you coming in?”

“Yeah,” replied Sehyoon, tugging at his sleeves as he gazed worriedly into the water.

“It’s okay, Yoonie,” coaxed Jason. “It’s not that cold.”

“It’s rocky.”

“The shoes will protect you.”

Sehyoon tugged at his sleeve again, and reluctantly stepped into the water, finding a safe spot for his foot. “Oh,” he said, relaxing. “It’s really _not_ that cold.” He carefully slipped his other foot into another open space. “Eunsuh, you’re silly.”

Eunsuh frowned.

“I know just the thing to warm you up,” said Jason, smiling slyly. Sweeping his hands through the water at his knees, he sent a large amount of water hurtling toward Eunsuh’s face.

She let out a small shriek. “That’s cold!” she cried, distraught.

But she wasn’t the only victim—Donghun, who had been standing only three feet away, was also splashed. He gasped, offended, and immediately moved to splash Jason back. “I’ll get you for that!”

Jason laughed, and tried to maneuver through the rocks to get out of range. He was too slow—with a spectacular splash, he was soaked, and so was Junhee, who stood beside Jason.

Junhee leaned forward and put his hands in the water, and Donghun flinched, predicting he would be splashed. But Junhee hesitated for a moment—and once the moment was over, he splashed Sehyoon instead.

Sehyoon let out a yelp before splashing Junhee back.

“Let’s get ‘em, Yoonie!” cried Donghun, stepping forward carefully as he splashed Jason again.

“Yeah!” shouted Eunsuh, also splashing Jason.

Jason and Junhee exchanged a glance, and with that, they’d been divided into teams. However, being outnumbered, Jason and Junhee were forced to back away from the others, toward the middle of the river. The rocks got smaller and smaller, and in the very middle of the river there weren’t any—just the pebbly bottom. Somewhere deep within Donghun’s mind, he thought, maybe, that the two were planning something with their retreat to the center, but the thought was buried quickly; the flurry of giant waves crashing back and forth grasped Donghun’s attention far more tightly than any puny thought could hope to.

But then Jason stopped splashing and started charging Donghun—that is, as well as he could in waist-deep water—and Donghun was so surprised that he splashed more frantically to keep him away, which didn’t work. Instead, Jason got closer—eventually so close that there wasn’t enough space for Donghun to keep splashing. With a shifty grin, Jason threw his body into Donghun’s, and they both went underwater.

They resurfaced a moment later, and the splashing had been replaced by laughter—laughter from everyone but Donghun, who was still quite shocked.

“I win!” shouted Jason, scrambling off Donghun to give Junhee a high-five.

 _“We_ win,” corrected Junhee, grinning.

Sehyoon waded over to Donghun and offered him a hand, smiling. “You okay, Dongdongie?”

Donghun stared at the hand for a moment, then placed his own in it, and Sehyoon pulled him up. He looked into the water; the commotion had stirred up the dirt on the bottom and clouded the water. “I bet we scared all the fish away,” he remarked.

“Mostly crayfish, probably,” said Junhee. “There are more crayfish in this river than actual fish.”

Sehyoon’s head snapped toward Junhee. “Crayfish?”

“Yeah.” Junhee frowned. “Didn’t Jason say that yesterday?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“I want to catch one,” said Sehyoon, eyes wide and glimmering.

“Well,” said Eunsuh, “you guys scared them all away with your dumb splash war.”

“You participated too,” pointed out Sehyoon.

“I didn’t _start_ it, though.”

“I take full responsibility for starting _and_ ending the war,” declared Jason proudly.

Junhee slowly lowered himself into the water, taking a seat. “The crayfish will come around if we sit still for a while. Why don’t we just talk for a bit?”

The rest followed suit, and they were quiet for a moment.

Junhee spoke first, to Eunsuh and Sehyoon: “Are you two related by blood?”

“Don’t be stupid, Junhee,” scoffed Donghun. “Of course they are. Haven’t you seen them?”

“Actually,” said Eunsuh, “we’ve never been sure.”

Donghun’s heart sank, and not just because he was wrong—because he was wrong in addition to being rude to Junhee.

“I always thought we were,” said Sehyoon.

“I mean, me too,” replied Eunsuh, “but it’s worth noting that we’re not _sure.”_

“Wait, you guys don’t have the same mom?” asked Jason.

Eunsuh shook her head. “My mom’s name is Jisoo.”

“I’m Yuna’s one and only,” added Sehyoon.

“Jisoo had the rest of us.”

“I’m a half-brother, at best.”

“I wouldn’t put it like _that,”_ remarked Eunsuh, frowning.

Sehyoon shrugged. “It doesn’t bother me, being an outcast. I like to keep to myself anyway.” He paused. “When it comes to family, that is.”

“It bothers _me_ that you act like an outcast,” retorted Eunsuh.

Sehyoon opened his mouth to speak, but gave up and hung his head in shame. Donghun wanted to say something, but he stopped himself, convinced he would say something even shittier than what he’d said to Junhee.

“It must suck, having the bitch all to yourself,” said Jason, disgusted. “I wonder what made her go batshit in the first place.”

“She wasn’t always batshit. I think her descent into madness started when I was in... third grade? Or maybe fourth grade. It was after we moved the first time. It was...” Eunsuh’s voice trailed off, and she looked suddenly at Sehyoon, who shook his head almost imperceptibly.

“So what made her crazy?” pressed Junhee.

Eunsuh was quiet for a moment, brow furrowed and gaze directed at the water, which had stilled slightly. Then she looked at Junhee and shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Huh,” said Junhee, surprised by Eunsuh’s sudden reluctance to talk. “Weird.” The thickness of what Eunsuh wouldn’t say silenced them all.

Donghun had a vague idea as to what Eunsuh refused to say. He immediately pushed it to the back of his mind.

The silence subsided with a sudden change of topic, initiated by Sehyoon.

“Hey, Dongdongie,” he started, tapping Donghun’s knee, “didn’t Junnie reject you at first?”

Donghun couldn’t help but smirk at the question. It wasn’t _entirely_ correct, but Donghun couldn’t resist the chance. “Yes.”

“He rejected me, too,” said Jason.

“We were _thirteen!”_ cried Junhee. “I wasn’t ready for a relationship! And, let’s face it, neither were you.”

“Well, when you met _me,_ we were _four_ teen,” countered Donghun.

“That didn’t make me any more ready, Hun! We made it official the next year anyway. I don’t see the issue.”

By then, the rest of them were laughing.

Junhee pouted. “What’s so funny?”

“You got so defensive,” said Jason, hand over his mouth as he laughed quietly.

“What— How is that funny?” asked Junhee, frantic and confused.

“It’s okay, Junnie,” Donghun told him, smiling. “We’re just teasing you.”

“Wait,” said Eunsuh, recovering. “So did he reject you or not?”

“Technically, no. When we met in freshman year, I pretty much immediately was like, ‘Can we be boyfriends now?’ And Junnie told me he’d think about it and let me know when he was ready. It took him until halfway through sophomore year to get back to me.”

“How did you survive?” asked Eunsuh, incredulous. “I don’t think I’ll be able to resist the urge to make out with my soulmates on sight.” She paused. “Ah, wait, you had Yuchan, didn’t you?”

Donghun shook his head. “No, he was still grieving...” His voice trailed off as he remembered the argument.

“Ah, jeez, I’m sorry, I forgot,” said Eunsuh.

“It—It’s fine.”

“He dated me instead,” added Jason, smirking. “It worked out, since we were both thirsty little—”

Donghun interrupted by splashing him, to which he flinched, laughing. “I think _you_ were the thirsty one, Jason.”

“Don’t disturb the crayfish,” warned Sehyoon.

“Right. Sorry.” Donghun carefully settled his arm back into the water, by his side.

Suddenly, Junhee let out a small gasp, and pulled his hand out of the water to reveal a crayfish. He held it out toward Sehyoon, and it thrashed about as wildly as it could, to no avail—it was completely helpless, trapped between Junhee’s thumb and index finger.

Jason frowned and shifted away from Junhee.

Donghun could practically feel Sehyoon’s excitement. Carefully, but without taking his eyes off the crayfish, or even blinking, he crawled over to Junhee, who handed the creature off to him. Sehyoon held it the same way, but with his middle finger instead of his index finger. He placed the crayfish in his other hand, still holding it between his thumb and middle finger, and petted it with his free index finger. To Donghun’s surprise, the crayfish stopped squirming after that. Apparently, Sehyoon was a crayfish whisperer.

He settled himself in the space between Junhee and Jason, the latter of which moved further away from the Sehyoon, evidently disgusted by the creature in his hands.

“I thought you’d been here countless times,” said Donghun to Jason, smirking. “Shouldn’t you be used to crayfish by now?”

“You know what, Donghun?” replied Jason, mockingly offended. “Shut up.”

Though part of him knew Jason was just joking around, Donghun couldn’t help but wonder whether his comment had _actually_ crossed a line, and it shut him up. Instead of trying to initiate a conversation—or contributing to any existing conversations—he watched fondly as Sehyoon stroked what seemed to be his new best friend.

But somewhere between Eunsuh’s plans for college and a weird story about Junhee’s college roommate, Donghun stopped listening. And somewhere between that and complete mental silence, Donghun stopped watching Sehyoon, instead staring at the water. After a bit, his mind wandered to the only thing it knew to—Yuchan.

Donghun felt awful for what he’d done to Yuchan. He should have been able to see when he was upset—that’s how soulmates were supposed to be, after all. Good soulmates, at least. They knew exactly what their soulmates wanted and needed; they understood exactly how they were feeling and how to help them if they were upset. But Donghun had known Yuchan for—what, two decades?—and he still couldn’t do that. Even thinking back, he couldn’t see when Yuchan was upset.

 _I’m a shitty soulmate,_ he told himself, and his mind didn’t tire of repeating that for the next hour. It probably would have continued, if not for—

“Donghun.”

Jason.

Donghun looked up at Jason blankly.

“C’mon, we’re going back.”

Without a word, Donghun stood and headed for the shore, Jason following closely. Sehyoon and Eunsuh had already started heading up the slope, and were out of sight; Junhee stood at the foot of the staircase, watching Donghun as he approached, as if making sure he knew where he was going.

The chant resumed. _Shitty soulmate. Insensitive. Rude. Mean. Cold. Unemotional._

Donghun went past Junhee and carefully went up the stairs. When he reached the top, he kept going, unable to focus on anything but the horrible words buzzing in his mind like a swarm of bees.

But Jason. He just didn’t give up, did he?

He rushed forward to walk beside Donghun, taking his right hand in his own. Donghun didn’t register the contact at first, so Jason gave his hand a squeeze.

It brought Donghun back to reality, at least enough to speak. He held Jason’s hand tightly as he said, “I’m sorry.”

Jason sighed. “It’s okay,” he said, and for a moment Donghun felt better, but then he continued: “You should apologize to _Channie,_ though.”

Donghun’s heart sank; Jason didn’t understand that he wasn’t apologizing for the argument, but for his horrible behavior in general. But he let it go.

“I will, as soon as we get inside.”

“Good.” Jason looked at the ground, then repeated himself more quietly. “Good.”

The three of them went inside together, and Eunsuh and Sehyoon were already there. Yuchan, however, was nowhere to be found.

“Where’s Channie?” asked Junhee.

Sehyoon shrugged.

“I guess I’ll call him,” muttered Junhee, but when he picked up his phone from where it lay on the kitchen counter, he stopped. “Oh. Never mind. He texted me.”

“What’d he say?” asked Donghun, eager to resolve the conflict.

“He went for a run.”

“How long ago?”

“About an hour.”

“An _hour?”_

“Maybe we should call him to see if he’s okay,” suggested Jason.

“No, he...” Junhee unlocked his phone and stared at it for a moment, reading. “He said not to call him. He’ll come back when he gets tired.” He turned off the phone and set it down. “In the meantime, why don’t we shower?”

“I’m hungry,” said Eunsuh.

“Showering and snacking?” suggested Junhee instead, to which everyone agreed.

Eunsuh went to shower first, and the other four sat on the floor in front of the TV; according to Junhee, the couch was only for clean boys (his words).

Eunsuh returned about ten minutes into a shitty soap opera nobody understood, sinking deeply into a leather chair next to the couch. Sehyoon went next, and halfway through his twenty-minute shower, Eunsuh fetched some snacks to share. After that, Junhee showered, and then Jason. During Jason’s shower, Yuchan returned.

He walked briskly toward the living room and stopped in the doorway, looking as if he wanted something. But when he saw Donghun, he didn’t speak.

Neither did the rest of them.

“I’m gonna take a shower,” announced Yuchan, immediately turning back to head toward the bathroom.

“W-wait!” Donghun scrambled to his feet and ran after him. He caught up just in time to see Yuchan grab the handle of the bathroom door. “Wait,” repeated Donghun. “Jason’s in there.”

“He won’t mind,” replied Yuchan with a falsely amiable tone, then disappeared into the room.

Donghun stood still for a moment, stunned. Then, slowly, he walked to the bathroom door and raised his hand to knock. However, with a sigh, he lowered it; Yuchan was clearly not interested in anything he had to say, whether it involved an apology or not. He turned around, about to leave, but ended up leaning back against the bathroom door instead. From there, he slid to the floor and stared at the ceiling, sure he was going to cry, but he didn’t—he _couldn’t,_ after training himself not to for so many years.

After a few minutes of sitting there, the shower stopped running, and Donghun overheard a conversation from within.

“Oh. Channie. Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Why are you in here?”

“I...”

“Okay, so you’re avoiding Donghun. Great.”

“Yeah, uh... Could you maybe grab me a change of clothes?”

“You can get your own change of clothes. Would you mind passing me that towel?”

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

“I don’t know... I don’t want to go out there right now.”

“Ugh. Fine.”

“Thanks, Jason. I really appreciate it.”

After a moment, the shower started running again. Shortly after, the door opened, and Donghun barely managed to not fall backwards into the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” asked Jason sternly.

Donghun scrambled to his feet. “I’m sorry, I—”

“You were eavesdropping.” Jason sighed and shut the door behind him. “Well, you heard him. Go get him a change of clothes.”

“But he’s mad at me,” whispered Donghun.

“Just talk to him!” hissed Jason. “Don’t you want to fix this?”

“I _can’t,_ Jason!” Donghun told him, trying as hard as he could not to yell. “He won’t _let_ me!”

Jason sighed again and shook his head. “Fine.” As he walked into the living room, he added, “But really, you’re going to talk to him once you’re done showering.”

Donghun wondered if Yuchan had heard the exchange. He imagined Yuchan, having heard that, feeling a pang of guilt. Then he imagined himself leaving the bathroom after a warm shower, and Yuchan was standing there waiting for him. Immediately, he embraced him, whispering, _I’m sorry, I’m sorry,_ over and over again into his ear.

The image fell away when Jason returned with a fresh set of clothes. He didn’t venture even a glance at Donghun; he simply went into the bathroom, came out of the bathroom, and went into the living room to sit with the others.

Donghun stood there for a moment longer, then headed into the bedroom to select the clothes he would change into. Which, of course, didn’t take long, so he waited in the room until he heard the shower turn off, and then until the door opened, and then for a minute following that. Then, sure Yuchan was gone, Donghun went to take his shower. Maybe, he thought, if he gave Yuchan time, the scenario he’d imagined would become reality, or, at the very least, he’d give him a chance.

Donghun opened the bathroom door after his shower, and was not greeted by Yuchan’s presence. Not all hope was lost, though—not yet—so he went to the living room.

Eunsuh was still in her chair, and the other four were squashed onto the couch together. Sehyoon was seated on the far side, his legs hanging off the edge, and his fingers were tangled in Junhee’s bleached blond hair, since his head was on his lap. Yuchan—somehow—had squeezed himself between the back of the couch and and Junhee’s body, and had wrapped his arms around him tightly. Jason sat on the other end of the couch, and Junhee’s legs were rested on his lap; Yuchan’s legs were behind him.

Donghun couldn’t possibly think of a way to join in. The couch was too small for the four of them anyway.

“Channie.” Donghun’s desperation was audible.

For a moment, Yuchan didn’t speak.

Then he said, “Oh, Dongdong. Did you want to sit here? I can move. I’ll get started on dinner, I think.” Yuchan started to get up, but Junhee protested, grabbing him by the arm, and pulling him back down.

The distraction gave Donghun just enough time to throw together a response. “N-no, you stay there. I’ll do dinner tonight, okay?”

Before Yuchan or anyone else could argue, Donghun scurried into the kitchen and got started on boiling some water—he’d make some pasta, he decided, and figure out what else later.

As Donghun searched the cupboard for the penne noodles he knew Junhee and Yuchan had bought, he heard Junhee yelp, followed by a few giggles and some words he didn’t catch. Then Sehyoon walked into the kitchen.

“I think Junnie wanted you to join us.”

“He probably didn’t want you to leave.” After a moment, Donghun winced. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I knew that already.” Sehyoon approached the slowly-heating pot of water. “Can I help you with anything?”

Donghun shrugged. “I dunno. What can you make?”

“Uh, not much. Sorry, I hadn’t thought this through.”

“That’s fine,” said Donghun, shaking his head. “I’m sure you can handle some pasta. I’ll... make the sauce, I guess?”

“So I put the noodles in when the water’s boiling, right?”

“Right.”

Throwing together a sauce wasn’t hard, and neither was tossing noodles into a pot of boiling water and stirring every once in a while. Donghun finished the sauce not long after Sehyoon put the noodles in, so he moved on to hulling some strawberries. It was a mindless activity, which was a dangerous thing at the time.

Sehyoon could sense that fact; Donghun could tell. He made a point to, whenever he wasn’t doing anything, wrap his arms around Donghun’s waist and watch him hull the strawberries as he hummed a strange tune—something he had composed, or at least was in the process of composing, Donghun figured.

“I like watching you cook,” whispered Sehyoon.

“Why?”

“Well, with this... You cut them so quickly. But you’re also so precise. Every movement is perfect.”

Donghun felt his face flush. “Th-thank you.”

As Donghun hulled the final strawberry, Sehyoon giggled. “Now you’re finished.” He turned his head and pressed a kiss to Donghun’s cheek, then fled to the still-cooking noodles before he could respond.

Donghun was still for a moment. Then he chuckled quietly and shook his head, placing the last of the strawberries in the bowl he’d been filling.

Dinner was uncomfortable, for obvious reasons. The usual silence was replaced with an awkward one, as far as Donghun could tell—a silence so stuffy it made the room feel small, in turn making Donghun feel claustrophobic. Yuchan, who refused to return Donghun’s near-constant gaze, wanted to leave the table just as badly as Donghun did, he was sure.

Everyone’s plate was nearly empty when Junhee spoke. “You know, I was hoping we could have a bonfire tonight, but it looks like it’s raining.”

Donghun looked out the window, and, sure enough, a light rain was beginning.

“I thought it wasn't supposed to rain this week,” said Sehyoon, disappointed.

Yuchan shrugged. “The weatherman is often wrong.”

“Why don’t we watch a movie instead?” suggested Jason. “I know Donghun would like that.”

Donghun looked at Yuchan. Time seemed to slow down as he opened his mouth, and Donghun was sure he was about to exclude himself from the fun. But Donghun didn’t _want_ that—he wanted Yuchan to have fun while they were there. So, before Yuchan could get a word out, Donghun spoke.

“Actually, I’m tired. I think I’ll go to bed.”

“What?” asked Junhee after a moment of shocked silence. “You—you’re _tired?_ It’s only, like, seven.”

Obviously, Junhee knew what was happening. He wasn’t _that_ gullible. He was simply trying to make Donghun change his mind.

But Donghun had made up his mind, and he was stubborn. “Yeah, I... I need to sleep.”

“But we haven’t decided bed arrangements,” pointed out Jason.

“I’ll just sleep downstairs,” said Donghun, already standing to bring his dishes into the kitchen. He left the dining room and went to the basement bedroom before the others could get a chance to respond.

He didn’t realize until he closed the door that he was lacking pajamas. For a moment, he considered his choices.

 _Well,_ he thought, crouching to unzip Yuchan’s bag, _it’s not like Channie’s gonna come in here to get his pajamas._

He put on Yuchan’s pajamas, and, now surrounded by his scent, Donghun felt sad. Not depressed, not anxious, not angry with himself—just sad.

For the next two hours—or more, probably—Donghun switched sporadically between scrolling through Twitter and Instagram. But then his phone died, so he set it on the nightstand and closed his eyes so he could sleep.

Not even a minute later, the bedroom door opened.

“Hun,” said Junhee. He paused for a moment, listening to the silence. “I know you’re awake.”

Donghun groaned and sat up. “My phone died,” he complained. “I was about to sleep.”

“Good thing I’m here to cheer you up. Gimme a sec to change, though.”

With a sigh, Donghun lay back down on his back, staring at the ceiling. A moment later, Junhee joined him on the bed, resting his head on his chest. Instinctively, Donghun wrapped his arm around Junhee. They stayed like that for a while, completely silent.

In Donghun’s mind, though, it was anything but. Words and memories shrieked past like racecars—back and forth, back and forth, filling every fiber of his being with negativity until he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“God,” he said suddenly, “why am I so awful?”

Junhee didn’t move, but he tensed up and sounded beyond worried. “Awful how?”

“I don’t know, I just—I can’t understand people’s emotions for some reason. I’m a rude asshole. You guys give me all this love and all I give back are insults. I guess Channie finally gave me what I deserve.”

“Don’t worry about all that. It’s not a big deal.”

“You can’t just tell me not to worry about this, Junnie. I’ve always thought of myself as a sensitive person, but apparently I’m not? And now that I _know,_ I can’t stop seeing the signs. It’s true. I really _am_ insensitive.”

Junhee lifted his head off Donghun’s chest, resting it instead on his arm, so he could look at him. “So you want to talk about this.”

Donghun snorted. “Oh, you’ve noticed!”

Donghun realized what he’d said when a look of hurt flashed across Junhee’s face, but he hid it quickly and said, “Hun, don’t worry about it. It’s really not a big deal.”

“How is it _not_ a big deal? I just _snapped_ at you, Junnie!” Tears flooded his eyes, and he sat up, putting his hands over his face to hide them.

Donghun wasn’t expecting Junhee to embrace him. He pulled him into his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around him.

“I’m sorry,” mumbled Donghun. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’ve held this in for a long time. You need to let it out.”

Donghun didn’t say another word, and Junhee didn’t let go; instead, he rubbed Donghun’s back, kissed his head occasionally, and whispered, “I love you, baby,” a few times, which should have been comforting, but Donghun just felt terrible. He felt like he was taking advantage of Junhee, like Yuchan needed this more than he did. Why was he crying, anyway? It was stupid—the cause of it was him snapping at Junhee and then feeling bad for it. It was a stupid reason to cry, but the tears just kept coming.

But after a while, there was nothing left to cry.

“I’m sorry,” said Donghun, sniffling. “I don’t deserve this.”

One of Junhee’s arms disappeared from the embrace. Instead, his hand took hold of Donghun’s chin, and suddenly he was looking at Junhee’s face. He looked angry—or, no, not _angry_ —his expression was stern.

“No. You _do_ deserve this. You had a shitty day, and maybe you blame yourself for that, too, but you’re _trying_ to make up with Channie. You know what you did wrong. You feel bad for it. And you want to get better. You’ve hit the bottom—the only place to go from here is up. And, by the way, most of your teasing is good-natured. It’s acceptable. So, really, don’t worry so much, okay?”

Then Junhee smiled, and Donghun felt better at the sight of it. “Ah, fuck,” he said, turning his head away from Junhee to hide a smile. “This is embarrassing.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about showing your feelings.”

“That’s so cheesy.”

“See? Good-natured teasing.”

“Oh my god, stop, please.”

Junhee laughed. “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said, letting go of Donghun so he could lay back down.

Donghun did likewise, facing Junhee. “I’m definitely gonna solve things with Channie tomorrow.”

“I know. I’m rooting for you, Hun.”

Donghun smiled. He didn’t need another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading guys!!!  
> pretty soon i'm going to the very state this cabin is in.... i'll be so close... ahh, i wish i could visit it. :( i miss that cabin. hopefully the proximity will give me inspiration, though!  
> umm links hmm...  
> i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/charmikarma)  
> also on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/charmi.choice/)  
> and on [tumblr](https://charmikarma.tumblr.com/)  
> but i'm way more active on discord! if u wanna friend or dm me, i'm charmikarma#4779. some servers i'm active in include [a loona server](https://discord.gg/Bgd6h8n), [the a.c.e server](https://discord.gg/VhdSYux), and [the kpop readers and writers server](https://discord.gg/rmU4mKy)!! join any one of these and u can totally be my friend. i don't bite!


	3. Chapter 3

### –AUGUST 20, 2014–

Jason was exhausted.

As he sauntered into his first period class—math, this year—he harbored a small amount of resentment for Junhee and Donghun. This was their fault. They’d kept him and Yuchan up almost all night, despite knowing the two had to go to school the next morning. It was the first day, too. The last first day of their high school career. And now, because of the stupid graduates in the house, it’d be their _worst_ first day, too.

The teacher had left a seating chart at the front of the room, and Jason found his name quickly. He looked to see which students were on either side of him—on his right would be Changgu, and on his left was a name he didn’t recognize—Sehyoon. Was he a transfer student? Jason was pretty sure he knew everyone in his grade.

Though he was curious, he didn’t think too hard about it. He sat down in his seat and rested his head on the desk, arms splayed out in front of him, watching people enter the room to keep himself awake. One by one, students filed in. Eventually, class was seconds away from starting, and the guy who was supposed to sit next to Jason still wasn’t there. The bell rang, and Jason thought, _Maybe he’ll be here tomorrow,_ but then the door burst open, and there he was—an unfamiliar face, as Jason had expected. He was wearing a hoodie, even though it was August, and had the hood pulled up over his head.

“Sorry I’m late,” he huffed.

“Kim Sehyoon?” asked the teacher, and Sehyoon nodded. The teacher pointed to his seat.

Sehyoon turned and walked briskly toward his seat in the second row, sitting down next to Jason.

The classroom was silent.

“I have to send an e-mail,” said the teacher. “Talk for a minute.”

Jason turned to Sehyoon and thrust out his left hand. “Hi!” he said. “It seems like you’re new here, so I’ll be your first friend. My name’s Jason.”

Sehyoon looked at Jason’s face, then his hand. He tugged at his sleeve uncomfortably before gingerly taking his hand and giving it a flimsy shake.

“I’m Sehyoon,” he said. “I lived here a few years ago, but my family moved down South for a bit. I’m back now, though.”

“When was that?”

“Seventh grade.”

“So... five years ago?”

“Six.”

“Six?”

“I was held back a year.”

“Really? Me too, actually.”

“I see.”

“I missed the entirety of eighth grade,” said Jason with a laugh. “What about you?”

“I failed eighth grade.”

“Hey, we’re the same, then!”

Sehyoon looked away, as if pretending Jason weren’t there.

In an attempt to rekindle the conversation, Jason spoke. “Say, aren’t you hot in that?”

“What?”

“The sweatshirt.”

“Oh.” Sehyoon tugged at his sleeves again, pulling the left one over his palm, then the right. “No, I’m fine.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. _He’s kinda weird,_ he thought, trying to figure out how to continue the conversation. But before he got a chance to properly respond, class was starting.

As the teacher introduced himself, he looked out across the classroom, and, noticing Sehyoon with his hood up, stopped to tell him to take it off.

Jason looked over at Sehyoon, who appeared to be frozen in place. Then, very slowly, he reached up and pulled the hood back over his head, bunching it around his neck.

Nobody thought much of it, and class continued. Jason, however, thought his behavior was strange. He was definitely hiding something; at first, when it was just his arms, he figured it was scars. But now his _neck?_

He couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like Sehyoon was hiding marks. Marks that were in the exact same places as Jason’s marks.

Jason watched Sehyoon during the whole period, hoping to catch a glimpse of the back of his neck or his left wrist. But Sehyoon was very careful not to show them, adjusting his hood and sleeves frequently.

Until the bell rang.

Sehyoon took his notebook, which was on his desk, and bent over to put it in his backpack. Jason was lucky to still be looking, because his hood slid down his neck to reveal a purple triangle.

A quiet _ah_ escaped Jason’s mouth, and Sehyoon looked up at him.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“I—” started Jason, but words weren’t fast enough. He thrust out his left hand once more, pointing at his mark with his right index finger.

“Why are you showing me your mark?”

“We match. Look—” Jason stretched his shirt’s collar to show him the mark on his shoulder, then lifted the bottom of the shirt to show him the one on his belly. He didn’t know why he was doing it; Sehyoon already knew where his marks were—he _knew_ that, but he was so excited to have finally met his fourth soulmate, the missing piece of his family, that he could barely control himself.

Sehyoon’s expression morphed into one of horror. “How did you know?”

Jason tapped the back of his neck, and Sehyoon put his hand over the back of his own neck, as if he could hide the truth.

“God damn it,” he muttered.

“Why were you hiding your marks?”

Sehyoon sighed heavily. He was clearly nowhere near as excited as Jason was. “Look, Jason, I would really like to not talk about this right here.”

“The hall, then?”

“No, just— _God._ Do you have a sharpie?”

“Sure I do,” replied Jason, taking a sharpie out of his pencil case, which lay open on his desk. He handed it to Sehyoon, who grabbed his left arm and wrote down a phone number and his name—Kim Sehyoon.

He released Jason’s arm and returned the sharpie.

“I didn’t really want to deal with this, but now that you know, I might as well explain. Just... Not out loud. Text me, okay?”

“Okay,” replied Jason, staring thoughtfully at the handwriting on his forearm.

“See you tomorrow,” said Sehyoon, standing up to leave the class. “Or maybe later today.”

When Jason finally broke out of his daze, Sehyoon was gone. He packed up all his stuff and took his phone out of his pocket, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

_To **Park Junhee, Lee Donghun,** and **Kang Yuchan**_

**Kim Jason:** i found him

 **Kang Yuchan:** found who??

_**Kim Jason** added **Kim Sehyoon** to the conversation._

**Kang Yuchan:** who is that??

 **Kim Sehyoon:** what is this

 **Kim Jason:** hey sehyoon it’s jason

 **Kim Sehyoon:** who are these people

 **Kim Jason:** your soulmates

 **Kim Sehyoon:** ukrshfsekjddnjd  
**Kim Sehyoon:** i can’t do this

_**Kim Sehyoon** left the conversation._

**Kang Yuchan:** ???  
**Kang Yuchan:** what’s that about??

 **Kim Jason:** idk he’s kinda weird  
**Kim Jason:** i’ll try texting him again after school

Jason didn’t have any other classes with Sehyoon, but he couldn’t help but think about him throughout the day. He really was weird—what kind of person didn’t want to meet their soulmates? Jason couldn’t figure it out.

After school, Jason met Yuchan by their car, which was parked on the street a block away from the campus.

“Have you texted him yet?” asked Yuchan.

“No,” said Jason. “Do you mind driving so I can talk to him?”

“Sure, I can drive. Gimme the keys.”

Jason took the keys out of his backpack and tossed them to Yuchan. He went to get settled in the front seat, and as Yuchan started the engine, he was already texting Sehyoon.

_To **Kim Sehyoon**_

**Kim Jason:** hey what’s up?

 **Kim Sehyoon:** please leave me alone  
**Kim Sehyoon:** i’ll talk to you when i’m ready

 **Kim Jason:** when you’re ready??

 **Kim Sehyoon:** i’m not ready to be with my soulmates yet  
**Kim Sehyoon:** please don’t force them on me

 **Kim Jason:** what do you mean???

 **Kim Sehyoon:** please stay away from me  
**Kim Sehyoon:** i’m not ready

 **Kim Jason:** how can you possibly know you’re not ready??? you’ve never even met us before. you don’t know what it’s like meeting your soulmate

 **Kim Sehyoon:** my mom said i’m not ready

 **Kim Jason:** and you believe her?????

 **Kim Sehyoon:** ...  
**Kim Sehyoon:** honestly, no

 **Kim Jason:** so why avoid us?

 **Kim Sehyoon:** if she finds out she’ll kill you  
**Kim Sehyoon:** or do something equally horrible

 **Kim Jason:** she doesn’t have to find out  
**Kim Jason:** she doesn’t track your texts, does she??

 **Kim Sehyoon:** uh.. no

 **Kim Jason:** then it’ll be easy  
**Kim Jason:** why don’t you do what you want for once?

 **Kim Sehyoon:** but...  
**Kim Sehyoon:** no.  
**Kim Sehyoon:** you’re right  
**Kim Sehyoon:** okay.. add me to that chat, i guess

 **Kim Jason:** alright ^^

_To **Park Junhee, Lee Donghun,** and **Kang Yuchan**_

_**Kim Jason** added **Kim Sehyoon** to the conversation_

**Kim Jason:** welcome home ;)

 **Kim Sehyoon:** thanks

### –JULY 22, 2018–

Yuchan forced his eyes open, and the previous day immediately came crashing back to him.

First he was back in the shoe store—Junhee was making the purchase, and Yuchan’s mind wandered for a moment. He thought about his father, Chanyeok; was he doing alright? Maybe he should call him to check up on him. But before he got a chance to do it, his phone vibrated, and his first thought was that something had happened to Chanyeok. Yuchan’s hands shook as he took out his phone, but it was just Donghun.

Then he was in the car on the way back to the cabin. He texted Chanyeok in the car. He didn’t respond.

And finally, he remembered the view of the river from the ridge—the view he’d stared at as he wondered where Chanyeok was, what he was doing, if he was still okay, and why he hadn’t responded to his text yet. Usually Yuchan was good at holding his emotions in, but not then. He hadn’t meant to explode at Donghun; he didn’t deserve it, no matter how poor his word choice was. After all, he was _trying_ —that should have been enough. But it wasn’t. Yuchan was embarrassed; he just wanted to forget about the incident and move on. But Donghun wanted to talk about it, and Yuchan didn’t know what to do, so he ran away every time he tried.

The person lying next to Yuchan—Jason, he realized—let out a deep breath, signaling he’d awoken. He rolled over, facing Yuchan, and their eyes met.

“Hey,” said Jason after a moment.

“Hey,” replied Yuchan. Then he realized—he hadn’t fallen asleep next to Jason. He’d fallen asleep next to Sehyoon, who was on the other side of Jason now. “Did you guys switch in the middle of the night or something?”

“Uh...” Jason averted his gaze. “Yeah. Don’t ask.”

Yuchan was baffled, but he knew better than to press.

“Did you hear the storm last night?” asked Jason suddenly.

“Storm?” Yuchan didn’t remember hearing a storm. “Wait, aren’t you afraid of storms?”

“Only a little.”

Yuchan didn’t believe it for a second. It’d only come up once, but Yuchan would never forget how uncannily wide Junhee’s eyes went as he told him just how afraid Jason was of storms.

“I found him in the corner of his room,” Junhee had said. “He was curled up in a little ball, shivering violently, afraid to let me come close. That was a few weeks after he started living with us, back in middle school. It happened a lot after that, but over the years he got better at... not freaking out. I think the storms still scare him, though.” Junhee paused, his mind somewhere far away. Then he looked at Yuchan. “But really, I’ve never seen someone that afraid before. It was scary just to see him like that.”

“Was it a bad storm?” asked Yuchan, bringing himself back to the present.

“Yeah! It was—”

“Quiet,” mumbled Sehyoon groggily, somehow managing to cover Jason’s mouth with his hand. “Still sleeping.”

Jason’s eyes widened in shock, and Yuchan couldn’t help but laugh. He sat up and got out of the bed, walking around it to the side where Sehyoon was laying. “Wake up,” he said, shaking Sehyoon. “It’s time to get up. We have a lot of messing around to do today.”

“Don’t wanna.” Without opening his eyes, Sehyoon rolled over, flinging his hand toward Yuchan’s face. Sehyoon’s sleepy attempt at driving Yuchan away was a failure, though; he barely managed to duck out of the way of the blow, and kept shaking Sehyoon.

Jason sat up too, and, placing his hands between Yuchan’s, started helping him. “Yoooooonie,” he whined, “c’mon, let’s get up.”

Sehyoon groaned, the sound eventually developing into a low _“Noooooooooooo.”_

Yuchan stopped shaking Sehyoon, instead opting to pull the covers off him. This was far more successful; his eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright, reaching futily for the sheets and blankets Yuchan had already completely removed from the bed. Then, giving up, he wrapped his arms around his bare legs. “It’s cold,” he complained.

Jason cackled. “You’re a demon, oh my god.”

Yuchan grinned devilishly. “It had to be done. Besides, I smell syrup; I bet there are some hot pancakes waiting out there for us. Does that sound good, Yoonie?”

“I guess so,” murmured Sehyoon. He rubbed his legs a few times to warm himself up, then extended them across the bed, stretching. A ray of sunlight tumbled into the room, casting a golden glow onto Sehyoon’s legs, which shone dimly in reply.

 _What the fuck,_ thought Yuchan, staring a bit. _They’re shiny. That skincare is unreal._

Sehyoon moved to stand up, and Jason, now standing beside Yuchan, lightly hit his arm. Yuchan’s head snapped toward Jason, who was smirking at him.

“What?” asked Yuchan.

Jason laughed.

“Don’t tell me you _weren’t_ —”

“Let’s go, then,” interrupted Jason, and Yuchan rolled his eyes.

As soon as Jason opened the door, the scent of syrup became stronger. Yuchan felt his stomach practically jump; he was starving. But then, when wasn’t he? The three of them stepped into the kitchen and dining space to discover that Junhee was making pancakes, and Eunsuh and Donghun were sitting at the counter eating them.

“The famous Park pancakes!” exclaimed Jason. “I haven’t had them in a while. I missed them.”

“Donghunie wanted them,” said Junhee, vaguely gesturing toward Donghun with his spatula. “Thank him.”

Jason went over to sit next to Donghun, and Yuchan recalled that he hadn’t had Junhee’s pancakes in a while either. Both Jason and Junhee were off at college during the year, so Junhee only really cooked for them during the summer. He was a good cook; better than one might expect. He had a knack for throwing together recipes on the fly.

The pancake recipe, though, was originally Hajin’s, and Yuchan had eaten her pancakes a few times in high school. Though they were the same recipe, Junhee’s pancakes tasted a bit different. Sweeter, maybe? Yuchan wasn’t sure. But he liked them better.

Maybe that was just a soulmate thing.

Yuchan plopped into a chair at the table, since all the counter seats were taken. Sehyoon followed him and sat next to him.

Yuchan didn’t mind being away from the others, since he didn’t want to face Donghun. Sehyoon didn’t seem to mind either; he intertwined his and Yuchan’s fingers and placed their hands in his lap. Yuchan looked at him, smiling slightly, and he returned the gesture. Yuchan couldn’t help but smile wider at Sehyoon’s adorable mimicry. With his free hand, he cupped Sehyoon’s face, turning it to press a kiss to his cheek. As Yuchan was pulling away, Sehyoon turned his head back toward him to brush his lips faintly against Yuchan’s. The sensation sent a shiver down Yuchan’s spine, and he squeezed Sehyoon’s hand as if to ask, _Did you feel that too?_

“Hey, cuties at the table!” called Junhee, probably not realizing how dumb he sounded. “Chocolate chips? Yes? No?”

“Yes, please,” replied Yuchan.

“Chocolate chips?” asked Sehyoon.

Yuchan looked at him, incredulous. “You’ve never had chocolate chips in your pancakes?”

Sehyoon shook his head. “I’ve never heard of that.”

Junhee shook his head. “No way. Eunsuh’s had ‘em before. Right?”

“Yeah,” said Eunsuh. “But it was only once, and I was staying overnight at a friend’s house, so we had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast.”

Junhee frowned. “Oh.”

Yuchan squeezed Sehyoon’s hand again. “You should try it, Yoonie.”

“Okay,” said Sehyoon. “I’ll have one chocolate chip pancake, then.”

“One choco-chip, coming right up! How many for you, Channie?”

“I’ll take three.”

“Alright!” A sizzle sounded from the griddle as Junhee poured the batter onto it.

With a sigh, Sehyoon leaned forward and rested his forehead on Yuchan’s shoulder, right where his mark was.

“You okay?” murmured Yuchan.

“I’m fine. Just tired. Still waking up.”

“Sorry for waking you up like that.”

“It’s fine. It was kind of funny.”

Yuchan snorted and placed his hand on Sehyoon’s back, rubbing it absentmindedly. His mind and eyes wandered to the same thing: Donghun.

The dumb game of avoiding one another was nothing new. Well... It only happened once before, really. And it wasn’t avoiding each other that time; back then, they were simply avoiding the subject. Or maybe that was just Yuchan, and Donghun was behaving likewise to give him space. That was probably the case now, too.

Years ago, when Yuchan’s mothers had first passed away, he had stayed in the hospital for a few days. And, like any best friend, Donghun made a point to visit him daily. Yuchan looked forward to those visits—somehow, Donghun always knew just the thing to keep Yuchan’s mind off everything.

But one day, Yuchan had to ask—he hadn’t seen any of his marks appear yet, so he was wondering if there was one on his back or something. He wanted Donghun to check for him.

The question made him go stiff, making Yuchan both confused and concerned. After a moment he rigidly explained that he’d already seen Yuchan’s mark—that it was on the back of his neck and that it matched with his own.

First, Yuchan wondered why he hadn’t said anything, but immediately after, his mind flooded with worries. He didn’t want to think about soulmates or boyfriends or anything of the like. It was too stressful. He already had enough to worry about—he didn’t need another drastic change in his life. Not now.

So when Donghun cautiously asked if Yuchan wanted to be his boyfriend, he turned him down. Temporarily. He made sure to mention that. It was only temporary. In a few weeks, or maybe a month, they could talk about it again, and see where the conversation went.

That conversation never happened. Instead, almost two years of awkwardness followed.

Junhee walked over to the table, a plate in each hand. “Here you are,” he said, placing them in front of the two. When Sehyoon didn’t move to start eating, Junhee asked, “You okay, Yoonie?”

Sehyoon sighed. “I’m fine,” he said, but he didn’t move.

“He’s just tired,” added Yuchan. “Have you eaten yet, Junnie?”

Junhee shook his head. “My pancakes are next. I’ll come join you when they’re done.”

“Alright.” As Junhee went back into the kitchen, Yuchan patted Sehyoon on the back a few times. “C’mon, it’s time to eat.”

Sehyoon slowly pulled himself away from Yuchan and turned toward his plate, rubbing his eyes.

Yuchan watched him for a moment, then chuckled. “Did you fall asleep again or something?”

“I dunno. Maybe. You’re very comfortable, you know.”

“Interesting,” mused Yuchan. He grabbed a bottle of syrup Junhee had placed on the table. He popped the cap open and poured a large amount over his pancakes. “Maybe I should play you a lullaby sometime.”

Sehyoon laughed. “I think it’d be more effective if you sang one.”

“I’m not Dongdong. Any preference?”

“Do you mean song or instrument?”

“Instrument. Which sax?”

“Soprano.”

“Yoonie, you know I don’t play soprano.”

Sehyoon shook his head and took a bite of his pancake. “Wow, this is really good.”

“Yoonie,” said Yuchan, exasperated. “Just pick a sax. Please. Your choices are alto, tenor, and bari.”

“Wouldn’t a saxophone be too loud for a lullaby?”

“You underestimate the soft, sultry timbre of the saxophone,” Yuchan told him, smirking.

Sehyoon sighed. “Fine. It’s gotta be bari, then.”

Yuchan clapped his hands. “Perfect!” Only then did he pick up his fork and knife, digging into his pancake.

“You didn’t bring your saxophones, did you?”

“No,” replied Yuchan, his mouth full of pancake. “I miss them more than anything, though.”

“More than Donghun?”

Oh.

_Oh._

Yuchan hesitated a little too long; when Junhee sat down next to him, the question dissolved into irrelevance.

The three of them ate in silence, but it wasn’t the usual silence; rather than comfortable and natural, it was awkward. Yuchan tried to ignore it, instead collecting his thoughts. He was halfway through his third pancake when Junhee spoke.

“Channie, do you wanna go swimming today? You didn’t get to yesterday, so.”

“Sounds fine.”

“By the way, are you planning to...” Junhee’s voice trailed off, but Yuchan understood well enough. _Are you planning to let Donghun talk to you? Are you planning to keep brushing him off?_ He wasn’t sure which question it was, but it didn’t matter; they contained the same meaning.

Yuchan shrugged.

Junhee didn’t press.

The silence resumed.

Yuchan finished his pancake quickly. He stared at his plate, considering. Then he said, “No.”

“What?” asked Junhee, confused. Which made sense.

“That’s my answer. To your question, Sehyoon. ‘No.’”

“What question?” asked Junhee.

“I’m gonna go get my trunks on,” said Yuchan, rising from his seat. “I’ll be back.”

He carried his plate and silverware into the kitchen and put them in the sink, then went to the basement bedroom to find his trunks.

The six of them spent a relatively normal day in the river. Though the awkwardness between Yuchan and Donghun didn’t go unnoticed, nobody bothered to bring it up, so pretending everything was normal was a fairly simple task. After an hour or two, they all went back up to the cabin for lunch. It wasn’t anything special—just a sandwich or two for each of them, and they made them themselves. Once everyone was done eating, they decided to go back down to the river—except for Donghun and Sehyoon, who decided to go for a walk, just the two of them.

After the two left, plans to return to the river fell apart, and the other four cycled through the shower before gathering in front of the TV, like they had the previous day. Eunsuh settled into the same armchair from the day before. Yuchan lay across the length of the couch, back against the armrest. About ten minutes after he got settled, Junhee, who had just showered, rushed into the room and sat down in his lap. Immediately afterward, Jason entered and sat in Junhee’s lap. (Had they showered together? Weirdos.)

Jason wrapped Junhee’s arms around his body and held each of hands tightly on his chest. With his hands incapacitated, Yuchan made quick work of his neatly combed hair.

“Channie,” whined Junhee, “if you mess it up like that, it’ll dry weird.”

“Good,” replied Yuchan cheerfully, earning a chuckle from Jason.

“Don’t laugh at me,” complained Junhee, exasperated. “And let go of me! I need to fix my hair.”

“No! I’m not letting go. Enjoy this moment, okay? Deep down, you know you love the feeling of Channie’s fingers tugging gently at your hair.”

“This isn’t gentle at all,” grumbled Junhee.

“Would you like me to be more gentle?” asked Yuchan.

“I would like it very much if you fixed my hair,” answered Junhee indignantly.

Yuchan grinned. “Okay, then I’ll continue.”

“You guys are _so weird,”_ muttered Eunsuh.

Yuchan paused for a moment, then resumed messing with Junhee’s hair, but more gently. Yeah. That was pretty weird, he had to admit.

“I kinda forgot you were here, Eunsuh,” admitted Jason. “Sorry.”

Eunsuh sighed, dejected. “It’s fine. I’m not here for my own sake. It doesn’t really matter.”

“That’s why it _should_ matter,” insisted Junhee. “You know, I don’t think we ever got a chance to properly thank you. It means a lot to us that you’re using your own time to help us be together with Sehyoon.”

“Do you...” Eunsuh hesitated. “Do you know _all_ of the conditions for Sehyoon to come on this trip? I mean... It was more than just having me come along, you know.”

“You have to report how it goes to Yuna, don’t you?” asked Junhee, seeming calm as ever. But Yuchan knew that he was serious—none of them ever called Yuna by her name. It was usually just “the bitch.”

Yuchan could feel Eunsuh’s cold gaze on the back of his head. The hair on the back of his neck rose, a tingling nervousness spreading through his body.

“Of course, my standards are different from hers. If I think you guys are good for Sehyoon, I’ll tell her what she wants to hear. But if I don’t...” She paused. “I don’t know. I know Sehyoon wants to be with you guys, which is why I agreed to come along in the first place. I don’t want to take that away from him. But the way things are going... I might have to.”

None of them knew how to respond to that. An immense cloud of guilt passed over Yuchan, and his eyes welled up with tears. He tried to hold them back, but his nose started running, and a sniffle escaped him. _Shit._

Jason sat bolt upright, freeing Junhee, who turned around immediately, his expression reading shock and concern.

“Channie?” he murmured. “Are you okay, baby?”

A tear rolled down Yuchan cheek, and he brought his hand up to wipe it away. “Ah, I’m fine,” he managed. “I just—this is my fault.” He folded his legs into his body, curling up into a ball.

Junhee wrapped his arms around Yuchan, gently rubbing his back.

“That was kind of harsh, Eunsuh,” said Jason, voice wavering with barely contained anger. “It almost sounded like a threat.”

“I... I didn’t _mean_ for it to be a threat...”

“What you mean doesn’t matter. This situation isn’t easy for any of us, as you can see. Frankly, statements like those make it worse.”

“I— I’m sorry.”

“Besides, regardless of what you tell the bitch, Yoonie _is_ going to live with us. It’s just a matter of time. The sooner we get her approval, the sooner we can get him out of the abusive hellhole you call home. And you think this single conflict is reason enough to take that away from him?”

It was silent for a moment.

“I... I didn’t think of it that way,” said Eunsuh quietly. “I never really... saw it as abuse.”

“Hmm. Well, I consider myself an expert on the topic,” retorted Jason. “It’s abuse.”

“Don’t feel too bad, Eunsuh,” said Junhee, sympathetic as ever. “Please try to see our perspective. Things like this rarely happen. We’re handling it to the best of our ability.”

 _Fuck,_ thought Yuchan. _No I’m not._

The room went quiet again, except for Junhee’s soft, comforting whispers and sounds from the TV.

Then the door opened.

“We’re back!” called Donghun.

Yuchan’s muscles tensed.

“Oh, god damn it,” muttered Jason. Yuchan heard him walk closer, and lifted his head to look at him. “C’mon, Channie,” he murmured, expression unreadable. “Let’s go buy some wood for a bonfire tonight.”

Yuchan didn’t quite understand why they needed wood—didn’t they already have wood?—but he agreed regardless.

The two of them went to the door, but not without going past Sehyoon and Donghun.

“Is he okay?” asked Sehyoon. Yuchan was done crying, but only just; the evidence was still there.

The question wasn’t directed at him, so Yuchan didn’t answer, and Jason didn’t either. He led Yuchan right out the door.

Once they were in the car, Jason didn’t hesitate to get going. And as soon as they got onto a smooth road, he started speeding.

“Please slow down,” said Yuchan, nervous.

“Oh. Sorry.” Jason gritted his teeth, pressing a little too hard on the break. “I just want to hit something. Or throw something.”

“Maybe you should pull over and calm down.”

Jason kept going for a bit.

“Jason, really. You should pull over.”

Jason pulled over and turned off the car, removing the key from the ignition. He was still for a moment before he slammed his fist against the steering wheel.

 _“God!”_ he shouted. “I hate every stupid person in Yoonie’s stupid family. The ones that aren’t abusers are fucking enablers. I can’t handle these people. Why are we trying to be civil with them?”

“I know it’s frustrating,” said Yuchan, trying to sympathize.

Jason was silent, stewing.

“Why are you so angry, anyway?”

“She made you cry!” cried Jason. “How could I _not_ be angry? I don’t know how you guys do it—see one of us cry and not be seething at whoever caused it.”

“She had a point, though.”

Jason whipped his head toward Yuchan. “No! Don’t say that. I mean, you definitely need to make up with Donghun. But that doesn’t mean she should say _that.”_

Yuchan was silent.

“Don’t tell me you _agree_ with her.”

“Of course I don’t. I just...” Yuchan ran a hand through his hair. “What if I _can’t_ make up with Donghun?”

“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

Yuchan sighed. “I’m kind of embarrassed, honestly. I would rather just forget it happened.”

“Let him apologize first. Then you can forget about it.”

“That’s the thing. I feel like if anyone should be apologizing, it’s me.”

Jason didn’t respond, but Yuchan knew he was staring at him, an eyebrow undoubtedly raised.

“I thought he said something bad about your dad.”

“I mean... Not really. He just doesn’t understand, I guess. He was trying. But that’s not even why I was mad.”

“What else was there to be mad about?”

“Exactly!” exclaimed Yuchan. “There _wasn’t_ anything to be mad about. I was just being a dumbass.”

“Well, you had to have _perceived_ a reason, at least.”

Yuchan considered that. He was used to keeping his problems to himself, so maybe sharing them for once had made him panic and overreact. But he felt like there was something else that had led to his reaction—something he was missing.

“You don’t have to tell me. But one way or another, you need to talk to Donghun about this.” Jason put the key into the ignition and started the car. “I’m feeling better now, so let’s get that wood, alright?”

“I thought we already had wood.”

“It got rained on. It’s no good now.”

“Oh.”

“I hope we don’t get another storm. It’s kind of hard to have fun in the woods when it’s raining.”

That reminded Yuchan of what Jason had said that morning, about the storm, and how he’d been evasive about him and Sehyoon switching spots.

“Is that my cue to ask if you and Sehyoon got up in the middle of the night because of the storm?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I mean, no, don’t ask about that.”

“Is the answer to the question also ‘no’?”

Jason didn’t answer for a moment. “No.”

So they _had_ gotten up because of the storm. Yuchan had an idea as to what happened, then; Jason woke up to the sound of thunder, and, overflowing with fear, fled to the bathroom to cry, or cower in fear, or something. Sehyoon woke up a little later, maybe because of the thunder, too, or maybe because Jason had slammed the door on his way out, or maybe he just sensed that the body warmth from one side was missing and woke up to investigate. Undoubtedly, Sehyoon found Jason and made his best attempt to console him, probably succeeding, since they’d both ended up back in the bed.

Yuchan repeatedly imagined the scene, with more and more detail each time, until they arrived at a gas station that sold firewood.

“C’mon,” said Jason. “Let’s go get some.”

There wasn’t a point to Yuchan coming in with him, since he didn’t know anything about firewood, but he followed regardless. As Jason inspected the bundles of wood stacked on a rack outside the store, Yuchan went inside and picked out some sour patch kids. He hadn’t brought any money, but he knew that he could get Jason to pay for them pretty easily.

Yuchan headed to the cash register to wait for Jason.

“Can I ring that up for you?” asked the cashier, perplexed by Yuchan’s loitering.

“Oh, no,” he said, waving it off. “I’m waiting for my soulmate. He’ll pay for this. He’s getting some firewood.”

“Ah,” she said, looking out the glass door to watch Jason. But Jason had already selected a bundle, and entered the store carrying it.

Yuchan held the sour patch kids out to him, smiling.

“What’s this?” asked Jason, eyebrow raised.

“Buy me candy,” replied Yuchan, smile widening into a grin.

Jason sighed and shook his head, but Yuchan knew he was trying not to smile. “Fine.”

Once the items were purchased, the wood was thrown into the backseat of the car, and the candy into Yuchan’s hands. The two buckled themselves back into their respective seats and started heading back to the cabin. Yuchan started eating his sour patch kids.

“Gimme one,” said Jason, holding out his hand.

Yuchan plopped two green ones into his open palm. He didn’t like the green ones.

“Thanks.” Jason popped them into his mouth.

“No prob.”

They were silent for a bit as Yuchan ate. But after a while, he spoke.

“You know, I’m glad you were the one who met Yoonie first.”

“Oh?” Jason didn’t look at Yuchan, but his eyes widened a bit, intrigued.

“Yeah. I don’t think the rest of us would have been as persistent as you. We probably never would have met him.”

“Ah. Yeah, I think I have to agree on that. You’re all too obedient to your parents. You would have just let him do the same.”

“You make obedience sound like a bad thing.”

Jason shrugged. “It’s important to think for yourself. Parents can be wrong, even if they always think they’re right.”

Yuchan couldn’t help but wonder what Jason’s childhood had been like for him to adopt such a rebellious view. Only Junhee knew exactly how he’d ended up living with him, and neither ever talked about it. In fact, they adamantly avoided talking about it. Moving in together had broken down some walls, but certainly not all. At least, not yet.

Though Yuchan was certain it wouldn’t amount to anything, he figured he’d try.

“What were your parents like?”

Jason didn’t answer for a long time. Yuchan watched him, trying to sense what he was thinking, but he gave no hints, his eyes stagnantly trained on the road in front of him.

“They... aren’t anything like yours. Or Junhee’s. They’re sort of the opposite of the bitch. But I suppose the opposite extremes are kind of the same. I don’t know anything about Donghun’s parents, so I can’t really compare them to his.”

“His parents never seemed to care much about him,” supplied Yuchan. “The things they did for him were more out of responsibility than out of love.”

“Kind of like that, then.”

Yuchan let it sink in for a moment that Jason was actually talking about his past, even if only very vaguely. He looked out the windshield for a moment, considering how to continue the conversation without changing the subject. He decided on a question and looked back at Jason, whose expression was just as unreadable as before.

“How many of them were there?”

Jason’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, and his knuckles turned white. “I don’t want to talk about this. Or think about this, really.”

Yuchan’s heart sank. “Okay.” Had he gone too far?

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have pried.”

“You’re fine.” Jason shot him a reassuring glance. “We’re soulmates; you have a right to pry. This is just...” He furrowed his brow. “Hard to talk about.”

“Let’s drop it, then.”

“Alright. Thank you for understanding.”

Yuchan smiled in spite of Jason’s uncharacteristic politeness. “No problem. Want some more sour patch kids?”

“Hell yes.” Jason held out his hand, and Yuchan put a bunch of green sour patch kids in it.

They were silent until Jason pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. “God, I can’t wait to burn shit.”

“That sounds a little violent,” commented Yuchan, cracking a smile.

“You go inside,” Jason told him, ignoring the comment. “I’m gonna put this wood somewhere it’ll stay dry.”

Yuchan went inside and called, “We’re back!”

As Yuchan slipped his sandals off, Junhee emerged from the living room. “Hey,” he greeted. “Are you feeling better, Channie?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s good.” Junhee smiled, taking Yuchan’s hands into his own. “Eunsuh took back what she said, by the way.” He laughed. “Jason really changed her mind.”

Yuchan squeezed his hands, smiling back. “That’s good.”

“Speaking of Jason,” continued Junhee, “where’d he go?”

“He’s putting the wood somewhere dry.”

“Oh!” Junhee’s eyes glimmered with excitement. “Never mind putting that away. The sun’s already setting; let’s start the bonfire now!” He practically bounced into the living room. After a moment, he returned. “C’mon!” he said, beckoning.

Yuchan followed him into the living room, where Donghun and Sehyoon were cuddling on the couch.

“Get up,” said Junhee. “We’re having a bonfire.”

As the two untangled themselves, Yuchan looked around. “Where’s Eunsuh?”

“Up in the loft,” answered Junhee.

“Sulking. She feels bad,” added Sehyoon, standing up. Then, louder: “She could probably just apologize!”

There was a moment of silence as the four of them awaited her response. Then Sehyoon frowned.

“Or maybe she’s asleep,” he mused.

“Forget about her. Let’s go! Bonfire!”

Junhee herded the three of them down the stairs and out the sliding glass door. Jason was already out there, trying to find a dry spot for the wood under the eaves.

“Oh,” said Jason, noticing the others. “Are we starting the fire now?”

“Yes!” answered Junhee cheerfully.

Yuchan, Sehyoon, and Donghun were clueless when it came to starting a fire, so they sat in some bag chairs and watched as Jason and Junhee got it started. Yuchan could tell they only had an idea of what to do—probably gathered by watching whichever Park mom took responsibility for starting all the fires. It took them twenty minutes and three Google searches to coax a flame to life. As Junhee went inside to fech pokers, hotdogs, and ingredients for s’mores, Jason enlisted the help of Donghun to build the flame. 

“I think it’ll be good for a while,” said Jason as they finished up. “Say, I haven’t seen Eunsuh—is she not joining us?”

“I don’t think she is,” answered Donghun.

Jason sank into a bag chair, sighing heavily. “Good. I don’t really want to deal with her.”

“She feels bad for what she said,” offered Sehyoon.

“I doubt it. She probably just feels bad she made Channie cry.”

“Yeah...” Sehyoon frowned.

Neither Yuchan nor Donghun bothered to comment on Sehyoon’s hesitance to agree. It wasn’t like Jason would change his mind if they did. It would just create needless conflict. He’d come around eventually; he just needed time to get over it.

Junhee promptly returned, handing each one of them a poker with a hot dog on it. The five of them roasted their hot dogs in silence. Yuchan was done eating his first hot dog and roasting a second when Junhee spoke.

“What do you guys wanna do tomorrow? Swim more? Swim less? Go into the city?”

“City?” asked Yuchan.

“Yeah. There’s a city about two hours from here.”

“I thought the point of this trip was to be in the middle of nowhere,” gibed Donghun.

“Fine,” replied Junhee, playfully offended. “We won’t go to the city, then. But really—ideas?”

“I kind of want to explore the forest more,” said Yuchan. “I ran through one of the trails out here yesterday, and it was really pretty. If I...” Yuchan stopped himself. _If I wasn’t so upset, I would have appreciated it more._ “I think I’d like to go see it again, this time with you guys. Or maybe a different trail? I don’t know. Either way, it’d be fun.”

“Oh, same!” agreed Donghun. “My walk with Yoonie today was really nice.” He turned to Sehyoon. “Wasn’t it?” But upon seeing him, he frowned; Sehyoon held his head in his hands, as if he were in pain. “Hey, are you... Are you okay?”

Sehyoon looked up at him. “Yeah. Sorry. The smoke’s giving me a headache, I think.”

“Do you want to go inside and rest?” asked Junhee, concerned.

“I... Yeah, I think I’ll go do that.” He winced as he stood up. “I’m sorry guys, I swear I was having fun, I just—”

“It’s fine,” interrupted Jason. “Just go. Don’t worry about it.”

Sehyoon studied Jason for a moment, winced again, then sauntered inside, swaying a bit.

The rest watched him go. The silence in the moments that followed was filled with one question: _Will he be okay?_

Yuchan was the first to address it. “I think I’m gonna go see if he’s okay.”

Nobody questioned him. Nobody even spoke as he headed inside.

Yuchan wasn’t entirely sure where Sehyoon had gone; he figured he was in the big bedroom, but he checked the small one too, just to be sure. He wasn’t there, so Yuchan went to the bedroom upstairs. When he opened the door, he saw something he wasn’t expecting.

Arms. And on them, scars. Many, many scars.

Yuchan stood frozen, his hand still clutching the doorknob, and Sehyoon stared back at him fearfully, the shirt he’d been wearing cast onto the floor.

Suddenly Donghun appeared behind Yuchan. “What’s going... Oh.”

Sehyoon turned from the door and collapsed onto his knees. He crossed his arms, putting his hands over the scars in a futile attempt to cover them.

Yuchan was still frozen in place, but Donghun pushed past him. He knelt at Sehyoon’s side, placing his hand on his bare back. “Hey,” he murmured, and Yuchan crept into the room. “It’s okay, Yoonie.”

Yuchan sat on the bed behind where Sehyoon was sitting on the floor. He put his hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently. He wasn’t sure what else to do; he was still shocked by the revelation.

After a few minutes of Donghun murmuring reassuring words, Sehyoon sniffling, and Yuchan drowning in questions with obvious answers, Sehyoon sighed, relaxing a bit. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” Donghun told him. “We love you, Yoonie. This doesn’t change who you are.”

Yuchan squeezed Sehyoon’s shoulder, assuring him he felt the same. But he was having a hard time accepting the truth, so he had to ask.

“Did you... do that to yourself?”

Sehyoon stiffened, and Yuchan felt a pang of guilt. “I... I need to put a shirt on.” Sehyoon rose and retrieved his pajama shirt from the chair he’d left it on.

“I’m sorry,” said Yuchan, staring at the floor. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s... It’s okay.” Sehyoon pulled the shirt over his head, then staggered a bit.

In the blink of an eye, Donghun was standing, holding onto Sehyoon’s now covered arm to steady him. “Careful,” he said. “Does your head still hurt?”

Sehyoon nodded.

“You should lie down.”

Once Sehyoon was lying down in the bed, Donghun knelt next to the bed, facing Sehyoon.

“I have no idea how to talk about this,” admitted Sehyoon.

“Take it easy, Yoonie,” said Donghun, gently caressing his cheek. “You have a headache, after all.”

As Yuchan watched the two, he wished more and more that he was as good at comforting people as Donghun was. And with that sentiment came more of the guilt he felt for refusing to let Donghun try to comfort him.

“Well,” started Sehyoon, “I should at least say that... Yeah. The answer to your question is yes, Channie. Back then, it was like... I kept doing all these bad things. Or I wasn’t good enough. But nobody ever punished me for it, so I took it upon myself to...” He winced. “Ow.”

“Shhhh,” hushed Donghun quietly. “You need to rest, Yoonie.”

“Channie,” said Sehyoon in spite of Donghun’s words. “Channie, please say something.”

Yuchan looked at him for a moment, then placed his hand on his other cheek. “What do you want me to say?”

“Anything.” Sehyoon sounded desperate.

“I...” Yuchan averted his gaze. “I’m not really sure what to say. This is just so sudden. I know some of the others suspected this, but... I don’t know. It’s different, having it be real.”

Yuchan felt Sehyoon’s jaw quiver. He looked back at him to see tears forming in his eyes.

Yuchan panicked a bit. “Shit, sorry, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it changes how I feel about you. I don’t think _anything_ could change how much I love you, Yoonie.”

Sehyoon tried to smile, but he squeezed his eyes shut and furrowed his brow in pain. “It’s getting worse,” he whimpered.

“I’m gonna go find you some Advil,” said Donghun, rising from the floor. “Take care of him, Channie.”

Once Donghun was out of the room, Sehyoon spoke again.

“Channie.”

“What is it?”

“You need to make up with him.”

“I—I know, I just—”

“He’s hurting, Channie. Please make up with him.”

Yuchan looked away, putting his other hand over his face. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ll try my best to stop being such a dumbass.”

Sehyoon put his cold hand on Yuchan’s hand, pressing it into his cheek. “You’re not a dumbass.”

Yuchan didn’t reply.

“Say, Channie, I have a question. Do you know someone named Byeongkwan?”

Yuchan frowned and took his hand off his face to look at Sehyoon. “No, I don’t. That’s a really weird name. Why?”

“I—” Sehyoon winced again. Another spell of pain, Yuchan assumed. “Never mind.”

Donghun reentered the room, a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other. Sehyoon sat up, taking both from him. All three of them were silent as he swallowed the pill and sipped the water. After a bit, he set the water on the nightstand and lowered his head back onto the pillow. Donghun played with his hair for a moment before asking, “Should we let you sleep?”

Sehyoon closed his eyes, nodding. “Thank you guys.”

“No problem,” said Donghun, he and Yuchan standing up to leave.

“Feel better soon, Yoonie,” said Yuchan, turning off the lights as he left the room. Donghun followed him out, closing the door behind him.

The two stood outside the room awkwardly for a moment.

“Well,” said Donghun, “let’s go back outside.” He started walking away.

“Wait.”

Donghun stopped and turned back toward Yuchan.

“We need to talk.”

Donghun let out a sigh of relief, and a tension Yuchan hadn’t even noticed dissipated from his shoulders. “I thought you’d never say that,” he muttered, then continued: “Let’s go sit on the couch.”

“Downstairs,” added Yuchan. “I don’t want Eunsuh listening to us.”

“Alright.”

As Yuchan led Donghun to the basement, he began to regret his decision to start this conversation. What would he _say?_ He wasn’t even sure how he would justify himself. So he held onto a small hope—a hope that the right words would just happen.

Once they were seated on the couch, Donghun spoke.

“I’m sorry,” he said, avoiding eye contact. “I know I said something wrong yesterday, though I’m not entirely sure what bothered you so much—I just wanted you to know I’m sorry. And _I_ want to know what exactly it was that set you off, so that I don’t fuck up again.” When Donghun was finished, he looked at Yuchan.

Yuchan wasn’t sure how to respond. He wanted to solve things, but the fact of the matter was that Donghun hardly did anything wrong. He didn’t want to lead Donghun to believe he’d fucked up when in reality he hadn’t. But he didn’t want to admit that his outburst was actually an overreaction, either. So as Donghun stared at him, waiting for an answer, Yuchan stared back, completely overwhelmed by the expectation for one. For the second time that day, Yuchan’s eyes welled up, then overflowed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Oh, fuck,” said Donghun, immediately moving to hold Yuchan into his body. “I’m so sorry, Channie, I really didn’t mean for you to cry—was it something I said?”

“No,” said Yuchan into Donghun’s shoulder. “It’s just—you’re so good at comforting people. I was just being stupid yesterday.” Yuchan clutched Donghun’s shirt as the words fell from his mouth. “Somehow I got it into my head that my problems were stupid, and I guess I thought you were telling me that, too. After I thought about it, I realized you weren’t. You were just trying to help, and I should have let you. But instead, I hurt you. And I kept hurting you because I was too embarrassed to admit it.” Yuchan squeezed his eyes shut, sniffling. “I’m so sorry, Dongdong. You deserve a better vacation than this.”

“Oh, Channie,” murmured Donghun. “You know your problems aren’t stupid.”

“Yeah, I do. That’s why it was so stupid for me to yell at you.”

“Come on, it wasn’t stupid. Stop calling yourself stupid.”

“It was dumb, then. It was a dumb yell with a dumb reason.”

“It wasn’t—” Donghun paused. “Okay, yeah, your reason _was_ kind of dumb.”

“I _told_ you.”

“But that’s the beauty of the situation, you know? You yelled at me for a dumb reason and made me feel shitty for two whole days, and I’m not even mad.”

Yuchan tensed at the word _shitty._ “Do you feel better now, at least?”

“Yeah. I’m glad you weren’t mad at me, honestly. What about you? You feelin’ better yet?”

“I... yeah,” he lied.

“Alright.” Donghun released Yuchan, and they separated. “So you’re not feeling better.”

“What?”

“Aw, c’mon, Channie,” said Donghun, smiling slyly. “I’ve known you forever. If you were really feeling better, you’d have said ‘no’ so that I would treat you special. You can’t fool me.”

Yuchan stifled a giggle. He had to admit, that was true.

Donghun held Yuchan’s hands in each of his own. “So how should I make this up to you?”

“You’re not making anything up to me,” insisted Yuchan. “I’m the one who’s wrong in this situation.”

Donghun frowned. “No you’re not.”

“Yes I am.”

“I’m not going to argue with you about this. Can we agree that we’re even?”

Yuchan hesitated. “I guess.”

“Alright. Then how can I make you feel better?”

Yuchan thought about it for a moment. He didn’t really want to ask anything of Donghun—he still felt bad, after all. But then, on a sudden whim of childishness, he wrapped his arms around Donghun, pressing himself into his chest.

“Hold me,” he said, listening as Donghun’s heartbeat quickened.

“Alright,” said Donghun after a moment of stillness. He shifted a bit to get comfortable, then wrapped his arms around Yuchan, pulling him closer—as if that were possible. His heart kept beating, hard and fast, and Yuchan smiled, knowing he’d flustered him.

Slowly, gently, Donghun rubbed Yuchan’s back, and he closed his eyes, relaxing into the touch. A few minutes later, he transitioned to playing with Yuchan’s hair instead, which he _always_ did, but it felt good enough that Yuchan didn’t really care. Warmth radiated from Donghun’s body, enveloping Yuchan in a sense of security so comfortable it made him sleepy. In fact, he was about to doze off when Donghun spoke.

“I guess we’re not going back outside.”

“Nope. Too sleepy.”

“I hope Jason and Junhee are okay with this.”

“They probably figured we made up,” reasoned Yuchan. “Which we did. So I don’t think they mind.”

Donghun hummed in agreement.

“I hope Yoonie’s okay,” murmured Yuchan.

“He took the advil, so he should be fine.”

“No, I mean...” Yuchan didn’t bother finishing the sentence.

“Oh.” Donghun’s hands came to a standstill. “Yeah, I think... I think he’s okay. None of the scars looked new, so.”

“You’re probably right.” Yuchan yawned. “You took that surprisingly well, you know.”

“About that. I actually already knew.”

“Really?” asked Yuchan, monotone.

“Yeah. I accidentally saw his scars two nights ago. You don’t sound surprised, though.”

“I am, I’m just too tired to sound like it.” Yuchan yawned again.

Donghun laughed. “Are you just gonna sleep here?”

Yuchan sighed contentedly. “Maybe.”

“So you’re gonna make me sleep here with you.”

“I’m not making you do anything,” replied Yuchan matter-of-factly. “You’re letting this happen.”

Donghun scoffed. “I can’t believe you.”

Yuchan smiled. Clouds of unconsciousness hovered at the edges of his mind. 

“You better _start_ believing me, then.”

“Aw, c’mon, Channie, you can’t fall asleep on me just to spite me.”

“Yuchan is too tired and angry at himself to respond,” replied Yuchan, smug. “Please try again after a good night’s rest.”

Donghun sighed and resumed gently running his fingers through Yuchan’s hair. Yuchan knew without looking that he had rolled his eyes and was shaking his head in spite of a smile. A few minutes later, Donghun tilted his head forward and pressed a kiss to the top of Yuchan’s head.

And Yuchan finally dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thanks for reading! this chapter was surprisingly easy to get through. i think it’s because i’m not in school anymore. no stress makes for a lot of motivation i guess!!! haha.  
> pretty soon i’m heading on another trip, and i’ll be pretty busy during that... i dunno how much time i’ll have to write. and after that, i’m going to a camp.. i’ll have my phone with me there, but again, i don’t know how much writing time i’ll have. i’ll be pretty busy. and stressed, actually.  
> i don’t have a whole lot to say here?? so ig i’ll just drop my social media/discord shit  
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/charmikarma)  
> and on [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/charmi.choice/)  
> but tbh if you want to talk to me you’re better off getting on discord. my username and tag is charmikarma#4779. i mod [a loona server](https://discord.gg/8mXWxFW) and [the kpop readers and writers server](https://discord.gg/rmU4mKy), and i own the [triple h server](https://discord.gg/twaEvVz), all of which i would very much like to grow!! i’m also active in [the a.c.e server](https://discord.gg/VhdSYux).  
> don’t be afraid to talk in any of these servers. everyone in each of them is very nice and welcoming!  
> finally, i’d like to thank my beta reader (who is also my best friend bYE) for being so patient with these long chapters, jesus christ. thanks azzy. ily  
> anyway, see you all when i finish the next chapter!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for this chapter: there’s a flashback to some child abuse... you should be able to see it coming and please skip over it if it would trigger you :(

### –DECEMBER 24, 2009–

It was late December by the time Byeongkwan’s second mark appeared on his wrist, and he mistook it for his first, since his first was the one on the back of his neck, and he hadn’t had a meaningful conversation with anyone in months. No stranger would think to mention his mark.

It was the evening of Christmas Eve, and it was snowing. Byeongkwan was wrapped in a blanket and seated under the awning of a convenience store, trying to keep warm and dry. He was famished—he wanted more than anything to go inside the store and eat all his heart desired, but he had no money, and not even on Christmas Eve were convenience store clerks that nice.

To take his mind off the hunger eating away at his stomach and the cold biting at his fingers and toes, he stared at the new mark on his wrist. It was a dark purple triangle, the color a stark contrast against his pale skin. He wondered who his soulmate was, what he was doing, whether he would ever meet him. It didn’t seem like he would—he was exhausted, and he couldn’t stop shivering, and he just wanted to rest his eyes for a moment. He fought the urge, but he was sure he would freeze to death.

The door to the convenience store next to him rang as it opened.

Byeongkwan looked up to see a boy about his age with a plastic bag full of groceries on his arm. The two stared at each other for a moment before the other boy removed his glove and pulled back his sleeve to reveal a dark purple triangle on his wrist.

It perfectly matched the one on Byeongkwan’s.

“Aren’t you cold?” asked the boy.

Byeongkwan nodded, teeth chattering.

“C’mon,” said the boy, reaching out his gloveless hand to help Byeongkwan up. “My house is only a few blocks away. You can stay the night if you need to.”

Byeongkwan took his hand, and despite his weak grip, the boy managed to help him up. He removed his coat and put it around Byeongkwan’s shoulders.

“B-but you’ll be cold without your c-coat,” protested Byeongkwan.

“I’ll be fine,” he insisted, gritting his teeth. “We need to keep you warm.”

The two walked to the boy’s home hand in hand—he refused to let go of Byeongkwan’s hand until they were inside the house and the door was closed, and as Byeongkwan collapsed onto his knees, utterly exhausted from the short walk, the boy disappeared into a doorway, calling for someone by the name of Yedam. After a while, he returned with a blonde woman.

The woman, who Byeongkwan figured was Yedam, rushed over to him and put her hand on his forehead. “God, you’re an ice cube!” she exclaimed, snatching her hand away, then turned to the boy. “Junhee, start up a hot bath,” she ordered. “We need to get him warm.”

“Alright!” replied Junhee. He darted up the stairs.

“Sweetheart, what’s your name?” asked Yedam, helping Byeongkwan onto his feet.

He shook his head. “I don’t have a name,” he lied.

“O-oh,” said Yedam, holding Byeongkwan by the shoulders as she guided him to the stairs.

Another woman appeared at the the top of the stairs, and said, “We can fix that, you know. Junhee can help you pick out a name.” She looked curiously down at Byeongkwan, squinting. “You _are_ soulmates, aren’t you?”

“Now isn’t the time for that, Yina,” said Yedam. “Can you help him up the stairs? I need to get started on dinner.”

Yina met the two halfway, and Yedam went back downstairs.

“Jeez, kiddo,” muttered Yina, aiding each of Byeongkwan’s shaky steps. “Why were you out there, anyway?”

Byeongkwan didn’t answer.

They finally reached the top of the steps, and Junhee was standing at the door of the bathroom. “I’ll take the coat and the blanket,” he said. “Hajin will wash the blanket for you. Stay in there as long as you want, okay? Yedam’s making dinner. It’ll probably be ready when you’re done.”

“S-sounds great,” stuttered Byeongkwan, his stomach growling. “I’m starving.”

“He needs clean clothes,” said Yina.

“Right,” said Junhee. “You get in. I’ll leave some of my clothes outside the bathroom door.”

“Thanks,” said Byeongkwan, stumbling into the bathroom.

The water was _hot._ Byeongkwan soaked in it for half an hour—it’d been ages since he’d last had a bath, and he wasn’t sure when his next one would be, since he couldn’t be sure this strange family would take him in, soulmate or no.

Byeongkwan looked down at the mark on his wrist. Junhee was his _soulmate._ But what did that mean? Would they be best friends? Worst enemies? Boyfriends? Soulmates were made for one another—but what did that _mean?_

When Byeongkwan was out of the bath and dressed, he went down the stairs and discovered Junhee sitting on the bottom step.

“Hey,” said Byeongkwan, and Junhee turned to look up at him for a moment. Then he stood and thrust out his hand.

“Hey, soulmate. My name is Park Junhee. It’s nice to meet you! I hear you’re in need of a name?”

Byeongkwan rolled up his sleeve—Junhee’s clothes were a little big on him—and took his hand, shaking it.

“That would be nice, yeah. Wanna help me pick one out?”

### –JULY 23, 2018–

Jason awoke to the sound of rain.

He peeled his eyes open and looked to his right, where Sehyoon had been when he’d fallen asleep. However, he was gone now.

So he looked to his left, where Junhee had been sleeping, and he was still there—but now he was very much awake, facing Jason as he stared at his phone.

For a moment, Jason didn’t say anything. “Junnie, is it raining?”

Junhee set his phone on the bed and looked at Jason. “Yeah. You okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s not storming.”

Junhee studied Jason for a moment, then reached over and brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes.

“I know what you’re gonna say next,” said Jason.

Junhee stopped and rested his hand on Jason’s cheek, looking into his eyes. “Should I say it?”

“Have I ever stopped you?”

Junhee laughed softly. “Jason, you have the most stunning eyes I have ever seen.”

Though he’d been told the same thing countless times, it sent a feeling like electricity through his entire body.

Jason closed his eyes, waiting for the feeling to subside. Once it did, he left them closed for a bit—he was still not quite awake, and another few minutes of sleep sounded quite nice to him. But then he remembered Sehyoon.

He opened his eyes. “Where’s Yoonie?”

“He went to go talk to Eunsuh.”

“How long ago?”

“Uhh...” Junhee turned on his phone to look at the time. “Like, twenty minutes ago.”

“Maybe we should make sure he’s okay.”

Junhee considered that for a moment. “Okay,” he said, getting up. “I’ll check on them. You stay here.”

“What—” Jason scrambled out of the bed. “No, I’m going with you.”

“Jason...” Junhee sighed. “I know you want to protect Yoonie. But you’re not happy with Eunsuh right now, so you’d be sure to lose your temper... It might seem like the right thing in the moment, but you getting angry at Eunsuh again isn’t going to help us.”

Jason cast his gaze to the floor. 

“I’m sorry,” said Junhee, taking one of Jason’s hands. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. If it makes you feel any better, I think what you said yesterday was good. But now...”

“It’s fine. I understand.” He sighed. “I just wish we could do this the easy way.”

“What you think of as the ‘easy way’ is the hard way for Sehyoon, I think.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” murmured Jason.

They were silent for a moment.

“Say,” said Junhee, squeezing Jason’s hand. “Why don’t you go see if Donghunie and Channie are up while I go check on Eunsuh and Sehyoon?”

Jason looked down at their hands, still clasped together tightly, and ran his thumb over the back of Junhee’s hand. “Alright. I’ll do that.” He snickered, recalling how the two were tangled up in one another on the couch the previous night. “They sure looked cozy last night.”

Junhee gave him a cheshire grin. “Yeah, but I bet Hun’s back will hurt a lot when he wakes up.”

“Let’s go find out!” Jason was suddenly antsy to go. “Er, _I’ll_ find out. You’ll talk to Yoonie and his sister, or whatever.”

“If you say so,” he said, and with that, they left the bedroom, hand in hand. They separated once they reached the back of the vacant living room, where the staircases were, and as planned, Jason went downstairs.

“Good morning!” he said loudly, only to be hushed by Donghun.

“He’s still asleep,” whispered Donghun as Jason bounced from the stairs into the room, standing behind the couch.

“What, so you’re telling me not to wake the baby? He’s not a child. If I wake him up, he can just deal with it.”

“No! I just—just _look_ at him.”

Jason looked at Yuchan, and Donghun gently sank his fingers into his light brown hair. 

Yuchan was laying practically on top of Donghun, his cheek pressed into his chest such that his face was visible to Jason. His arms were wrapped snugly around Donghun’s torso. They were in the same position they’d been in the previous night, but now that he was looking closely, Jason had to admit—he did look pretty adorable.

“You must be quite the mattress if he’s still asleep.”

Donghun shrugged. “You don’t hold onto a mattress. If anything, I’m a body pillow.”

Jason covered his mouth with his hand, stifling a laugh. “You mean those pillows with the sexy anime ladies on them? You’ve got a long way to go, Donghunie.”

“Jason,” he deadpanned. “You’re gay.”

“So?”

“Quit that. I know you’d take me over a sexy anime lady any day.”

Jason snickered. “Okay, yeah.”

“And for the record,” Donghun continued, “no, I didn’t mean the ones with the sexy anime ladies. Those are pillowcases. A body pillow is just a pillow the size of your body.”

Jason smiled, giving Donghun a pat on the head. “Whatever you say, Donghunie.”

Donghun scowled. He opened his mouth to speak, but was distracted by Yuchan letting out a sigh, then shifting.

“You awake there, Channie?” asked Jason.

“Mm,” he replied.

“I take it you’re very comfortable.”

“Yeah.”

Jason glanced at Donghun, grinning. “I wonder if Donghunie is comfortable.”

“If he’s not, he’s gonna have to deal with it for a bit.”

Jason laughed, incredulous. “Don’t you think that’s a bit selfish?”

“He’s fine,” answered Donghun. “I don’t mind. I’m pretty comfortable. If I wasn’t, I’d probably just push him off.”

“Wow, you guys sure are mean to each other,” joked Jason. “Are you sure this whole thing is resolved?”

“It’s resolved,” they replied in unison.

“I figured,” said Junhee, appearing in the staircase. “Make room, though. The six of us need to have a talk.”

“Six?” asked Jason. His question was answered by both Sehyoon and Eunsuh following Junhee down the stairs.

Yuchan and Donghun quickly moved to accommodate the other four. Jason sat down next to Yuchan on the couch. Junhee sat in a bag chair next to him—the previous night, the two had been too lazy to put the bag chairs away, so they scattered them about the basement. Similarly, Sehyoon and Eunsuh settled into a bag chair—or was it called a bag _couch?_ Jason wasn’t sure, but it was a bag chair made for two people.

“I guess I should start by apologizing,” said Eunsuh. “I didn’t mean—well, okay, when I _said_ it I meant it. But I guess my view of the situation was a bit biased. It was wrong of me to threaten to use the power I’ve been given to limit Sehyoon’s freedom. So I’ll put you all at ease—I am going to do everything in my power to convince Yuna to let Sehyoon go. Okay?”

There was a lot of nodding. Jason nodded too, but he still wasn’t so sure.

“Alright,” she said. “Then... There are some things you should know.” She looked over at Sehyoon, inviting him to speak.

“Yuna’s always been pretty protective of me,” he started. “I’ve never really been sure why, but...” He shook his head. “Anyway. When I was in seventh grade, we moved from where we live now to a small town in Arkansas, where Yuna’s parents live. Er—lived. They’re all gone now. See, we moved down there because Yuna’s last mother had fallen very ill, and we weren’t sure how much longer she’d live. She wanted all of us to spend as much time as we could with her before she passed away.”

“Didn’t you stay for, like, six years though?” asked Donghun.

“Yeah, uh...” Sehyoon smiled to himself. “My grandmother stuck around for a lot longer than we expected. Anyway... After moving, I was kind of withdrawn. Making friends was hard—I didn’t make _any,_ actually, at least not any close ones. Which was disheartening. It became hard for me to do my schoolwork. Missing assignments piled up. Yuna was upset. I knew it was just a matter of doing the make-up work—my teachers were pretty lenient, but... I don’t know. It was like there was a wall between me and doing the work in the first place, and the more I put off, the taller the wall got. I was too discouraged to even try. I barely passed seventh grade. I failed eighth grade.” Sehyoon paused and let out a deep sigh. He wrapped his hand tightly around his wrist.

Jason raised his eyebrows. _Is he going to show us his arm?_

“For a while, Yuna didn’t realize how bad I was feeling. Once she did, she got way more protective.” Sehyoon’s fingers curled under the cuff of his sleeve. “She never would have found out if she hadn’t seen... this.” And he rolled up his sleeve.

Jason hardly caught a glimpse of the scars before Donghun and Yuchan were at his side, hands on his back and shoulder to comfort him. Likewise, Eunsuh held her hand on his other shoulder. But a glimpse was all Jason needed to be overwhelmed with a bizarre mix of emotions.

He felt bad for Sehyoon, for one. Beyond that, he felt a renewed desire to protect him. As he and Junhee went over to show their support physically like the others had, Jason channeled these emotions in favor of the beast of rage that lurked beneath.

Obviously, much of it was directed at Yuna; it was where the majority of his anger went lately. An unreasonable amount of anger, probably. It was almost as if Jason blamed _all_ his problems on her. But only _almost_ —the rest were reserved for another person.

Himself.

It was a problem he’d been struggling with for years; he was a lot better than he used to be, but from time to time he still blamed himself for things that weren’t his fault. Like the fact that Sehyoon was still stuck with his abusive mom. Like the fact that Sehyoon had turned to self-harm.

But Jason didn’t show it. He was strong. He kept his rage to himself, emulating a calmer, more tender demeanor.

“Thank you guys,” said Sehyoon after a bit, and the rest backed away. He wiped a few tears from his eyes. “I’m really... Ashamed of that part of my life. I was afraid of how you guys would react. But you’re all so...” He shook his head, unable to articulate the thought.

“You don’t have anything to be ashamed of, Yoonie,” said Jason. “We all go through rough spots; some of them are just worse than others.”

Sehyoon eyed Jason curiously, as if to ask, You know a thing or two about that, don’t you?

“‘Rough spots,’” repeated Sehyoon. “Yeah.”

Uh-oh.

Jason couldn’t remember exactly what he’d let slip the night of the storm, but whatever it was, it had piqued Sehyoon’s curiosity. If Jason were questioned about his past again, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Even if he was feeling compliant enough to explain, what would he _say?_

To Jason’s relief, Eunsuh started talking, and Sehyoon turned his gaze toward her.

“Do you guys understand a little better now?” she asked. “I mean—why Yuna is the way she is?”

Once more, everyone nodded. But this time, Jason couldn’t bring himself to pretend.

Eunsuh looked at each of the others, her eyes eventually falling onto Jason. “You don’t look so sure, Jason.”

Jason narrowed his eyes; studied Eunsuh for a moment. Then he shook his head. “No. I—I can’t accept that. That doesn’t justify her actions.”

Eunsuh frowned. “Maybe not, but—”

_“No!”_ shouted Jason, suddenly standing. “Not ‘maybe’! There’s nothing okay about the way she keeps him inside and doesn’t let him do what he wants!”

“Jason,” murmured Junhee, reaching for his hand.

Jason slapped it away. “You wouldn’t _believe_ how many times Yoonie has texted me telling me he feels awful, only for me to find out it’s that damn bitch’s fault.”

“It’s really not—” started Sehyoon, but Jason interrupted him.

_“Yes it is!_ How do you think you ended up in that vicious cycle that made you—made you—oh, you know! She didn’t help you. She just shamed you for not being perfect, I know it. She’s been doing that as long as I’ve known you.”

Eunsuh stood abruptly. “Do you _hear_ yourself?”

“I’m just stating the truth,” snapped Jason.

“You’re being an ass about it.”

That caught Jason off guard. “Well, I—I’m just trying to protect Sehyoon!”

“And what do you think _Yuna’s_ trying to do? Maybe you’re better at protecting than she is, but since when does an adult need _protection?”_

“I—I’m just—”

“This isn’t about Sehyoon’s protection,” snarled Eunsuh. “This is about giving him the freedom to become self-sufficient and do what he wants.”

“He can already do that!” argued Jason. “All he has to do is—”

“Is _what?_ Denounce his family and leave home on bad terms with us?” Eunsuh shook her head. “If you really think that’s what he wants, you’re just as bad as Yuna.”

Jason was speechless, Eunsuh’s words echoing in his mind.

“You can’t even defend yourself?” Eunsuh sighed, exasperated. “I can’t handle you. I don’t know why I even tried.” She turned to Junhee. “I’m hungry. What’s for breakfast?”

“Uh, I...”

“You haven’t decided? Fine. I guess I’ll have to make it myself.” Eunsuh walked briskly to the stairs, then paused at the bottom. “Come upstairs when you’re ready,” she added, her voice calmer. And she disappeared up the stairs.

The five of them were silent, stunned.

Jason laughed reflexively, then blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the situation. “She’s wrong,” he told himself. “I’m nothing like—I’m not like Yuna.” He sat back down on the couch. “I’m... I’m not.”

Donghun shook his head. “Why does she have to be like that?”

“I’m so tired,” muttered Yuchan, rubbing his eyes. “I didn’t want to wake up to this.”

“Hey,” said Junhee, stern. “This is Yoonie’s sister you’re talking about.” Then he turned to Sehyoon. “Are you okay?”

“I’m...” He hesitated. “I’m fine,” he finished, sheepish. “Jason...”

Jason wasn’t really listening. He couldn’t shake the thought that Eunsuh might be right—that in a way, he really _was_ like Yuna.

“Jason,” murmured Junhee, reaching for his hand again. This time, he succeeded in taking it.

Jason looked up at him.

Junhee didn’t bother asking if he was okay. His expression said he already knew, or at least had an idea—unlike the rest.

There were a lot of things only Junhee knew.

“Let’s go eat breakfast,” suggested Junhee, his voice soft and gentle. “Okay?”

Jason stared at him a while longer. “Okay.”

No one could say much after that; the atmosphere was too tense, especially during breakfast. Jason sat at the table with Yuchan and Donghun, refusing to make eye contact with either of them as he ate the French toast Eunsuh had made. Instead, he watched the rain fall to the ground, heavy and thick. He imagined himself out there, where the uncomfortable silence was drowned out by the sound of water hitting the ground in sheets. He’d done such a thing once before, actually—when he was eight or nine, maybe. It hadn’t been his decision to sit outside in the rain that time, but it was still better than sitting inside, where one wrong move could make someone snap.

Jason pushed the memory away. That particular day had not ended happily. Maybe sitting out in the rain was a bad idea after all.

Jason hastily finished his French toast, dropping his dishes in the sink for someone else to clean. Junhee would probably do it for him; he’d thank him for it later. It was how problems like this always worked. Luckily, they didn’t happen so often anymore—Jason didn’t like feeling as though he’d taken advantage of Junhee’s kindness, no matter how much Junhee insisted it was fine.

Jason hid in plain sight—on the living room couch. He wrapped himself in a blanket and turned on the TV to make himself look occupied. Nobody bothered him until they were all long done with breakfast.

“Hey, Jason?” said Yuchan, standing at the entrance to the living room.

Jason tilted his head back to look at Yuchan.

“We’re gonna play a board game. Wanna join us?”

He looked back to the TV. “Nah.”

Yuchan was silent for a long time. By the time he spoke again, Jason had almost forgotten he was there.

“Do you want me to sit with you or something?” offered Yuchan.

“I think I’m fine,” replied Jason. “Just have fun with your game.”

Yuchan hesitated for a moment before saying, “Okay.” He disappeared into the dining area once more.

Most of Jason was relieved when he left. But a small part of him wished Yuchan had said something more or stayed in spite of his words.

Jason sighed. It didn’t matter, he supposed. It wasn’t like Yuchan knew how to help him anyway.

He resumed watching TV. Maybe if he focused hard enough on the show playing, he’d forget his worries and feel better.

When Junhee walked in a few hours later, Jason wasn’t feeling terrible anymore; just tired.

“Hey, Jason,” said Junhee softly.

Jason turned his gaze toward Junhee to see him peering over the arm of the couch at him. He laughed at his wide, almost childlike eyes and sat up. “What’s with the funny face?”

Jason yawned as Junhee replied. “Just seeing if you’re feeling any better.” He sat down next to Jason on the couch. “I’m guessing you are, since you laughed?”

Jason shrugged, finishing his yawn. “I guess. I’m tired now.”

Junhee was silent for a moment, eyeing him carefully. “You’re nothing like Yuna. You know that, right?”

Jason shrugged again and looked down, away from Junhee’s face. Somehow he knew that, but a part of him refused to believe it.

“Hey,” insisted Junhee, tugging on one of Jason’s hands. “You’re really not, I swear.”

“I know.” Jason let Junhee take his hand, clasping them together.

Junhee was silent for a moment. Then he sighed. “I think Eunsuh was right about one thing, though.”

Jason looked back up at Junhee, inviting him to continue.

“We were too focused on protecting Yoonie. All of us. His path to recovery...” Junhee shook his head. “I mean, we can definitely help him recover from the issues Yuna caused. But we can’t _be_ his recovery. You know?”

“Yeah,” said Jason slowly, recalling the distant past.

“I guess you and Channie would understand that better than me, though.”

“About that,” said Jason, suddenly remembering the curious look Sehyoon had given him earlier.

“What?” asked Junhee, tilting his head.

“I...” Jason bit his lip. “I think he’s onto me.”

Junhee sighed. “You say that like you’re a criminal.”

“I mean, I’m not, but I don’t really want anybody to know about that.”

“But why not?”

“I—” Jason tugged his hand free from Junhee’s, running it through his hair with a sigh. “I don’t know, I just—I don’t know!”

“Hey, don’t stress,” said Junhee, taking Jason by the shoulders this time. “I’m just asking you a question. If you need to think for a sec, think.”

“I—Okay.” Jason lowered his hands, and Junhee took them once more. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, thinking. “I guess... I don’t want people to think of me differently? Like—I feel like they’ll look at me differently or talk to me differently or something. Or like they’ll look at me and think, ‘Oh, Jason... right, as a child, he...’” Jason stopped and shook his head. He didn’t want any of the others to overhear. “You know?”

“I guess I can understand that. But honestly...” Junhee looked almost guilty. “I think they all kind of already know? I mean, when you live with your soulmate’s family for four and a half years, it’s pretty obvious that something’s up.”

Jason was well aware of this. “But isn’t there a difference between that and knowing exactly what happened?”

“Not really. None of us are treating Sehyoon any differently, so why would they treat you differently?”

“That’s different, though.”

“It really isn’t. We all knew there was something there and wanted to know what, but knew it was best to wait for him to open up about it. It’s essentially the same.”

“But....” Jason sighed, the half-hearted protest dying in his throat. Junhee was right.

Junhee squeezed Jason’s hands. “It’s okay to be afraid. Maybe you’re not ready to talk about it. But if it’s really bothering you, I think you should just tell him.”

Jason thought about it. Junhee convinced him to get up and eat a late lunch—a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which Junhee made, and Jason thanked him for, but eating it was almost secondary to thinking.

He’d have to find the right moment to explain. It’d be easier if Sehyoon asked, though, and luckily, it seemed like he would if he managed to get Jason alone. Which would be hard if it kept pouring. The house was pretty small, after all.

Jason looked out the window.

Oh. It was letting up.

Jason watched the rain slow to a stop as he finished the last of his sandwich. 

Sehyoon appeared next to him, also looking outside. “It’s finally slowing down,” he murmured. “Say, do you... Do you want to go for a walk?”

Jason’s heartbeat quickened. Was it already time to do this? Was he even prepared to explain himself? He wasn’t sure. Regardless, he replied, “Yes.”

They set off on a long walk through the woods, neither speaking a word. Jason was too concerned with bracing himself for when Sehyoon would ask about his past—something Sehyoon was likely preparing himself to do.

The ground was covered in mud and leaves, and every dip in the path was filled with a puddle. Each step was a disaster waiting to happen, but Jason didn’t mind. The quiet squelching before his foot sank slightly into the ground was somehow calming. Which was something he needed, what with the looming storm clouds above and the questions so thick in Sehyoon’s mind, Jason could feel them.

They came upon a slight incline in the path, and Jason stopped to look up it.

Sehyoon stopped too, looking over at Jason. “You okay?”

Jason glanced at Sehyoon, then the ground, then something he could sense but not see—the gazebo at the top of the hill.

“It’s been a while since I hiked this trail,” he remarked, then went ahead of Sehyoon to start up the hill.

As the two reached the top, the trail widened into a clearing, and the gazebo came into view.

Sehyoon gasped. Jason smiled.

The gazebo had once been white, and surely was beautiful when it was built, but now all that remained was it dilapidated shell. Since Jason’s last visit, the peeling paint had completely washed off, leaving a wooden frame so old it hardly contained a trace of its natural brown.

Jason didn’t hesitate to go into the gazebo, and the stairs to the platform creaked under his weight.

Sehyoon hesitated at the entrance, looking concerned. “Are you sure this thing won’t, like, collapse on us?”

“It won’t, I promise. C’mon, look! You can see the river from up here.”

Sehyoon finally forced himself up the stairs and joined Jason at the railing overlooking the ridge facing the Whiskey River.

“Wow,” he whispered.

The gazebo had been built right on the edge of the ridge, which in this particular spot was more of a cliff. This provided for a clear view of the river below. There were plenty of rocks in the water, and the fast current splashed majestically over each one.

“It’s beautiful,” finished Sehyoon.

“Isn’t it?”

Before Sehyoon could reply, raindrops resumed their descent, colliding loudly with leaves on the trees and the roof of the gazebo.

“Shoot,” said Jason. “I guess the rain’s back. Should we run back to the cabin or wait it out in here?”

“I say we wait it out,” answered Sehyoon, stepping away from the railing. “While we wait, could I...” He paused for a long time, as if questioning whether to continue at all. “Could I ask a bit about your past?”

Jason’s heart was pounding. Right, this. How had he forgotten? “S-sure.”

“Jason, you... Your name isn’t _legally_ Jason, is it?”

Oh. Oh, God. Why did it have to be _that?_

“No, my name is Jason. My name is definitely Jason.”

“Did you change it at some point? Because two nights ago, when you were freaking out at the storm, you mentioned another name—I think it was Byeongkwan?”

_“Byeongkwan!”_

Suddenly Jason was eight years old again. Back then, though, he was not Jason—he was Byeongkwan.

It was dark in his bedroom, save for the occasional lightning strike. He was not in bed like he should have been. Instead, he sat against the bedroom door, trying to be as quiet as possible. But a shout louder and more terrifying than the thunder told him he’d failed.

The door rattled behind him. His father had kicked it.

“Shut up, you little shit!”

Thunder growled all around him. Byeongkwan jumped and held back a yelp. It came out as a whimper instead, which further angered the man behind the door.

“You’re so damn _noisy!”_

The door jolted a few more times—he was trying to get into Byeongkwan’s room. 

Byeongkwan knew he had to do something, but he couldn’t think. He couldn’t move.

On his fourth attempt, his father succeeded, and Byeongkwan tumbled into the room, landing on his face. At that, he _did_ yelp, and he barely scrambled to his knees in time to see the fist before it came down on his—

“Jason!”

Jason sucked in a quick, shaky breath, focusing on the panic-stricken face in front of him. He swallowed thickly.

“Y-Yoonie,” he returned.

Sehyoon let out a sigh of relief. “Thank _God,”_ he exclaimed. “I almost didn’t think you’d come out of that.”

Jason was sitting on the ground now, clutching his knees to his chest and shaking violently. “What happened?” he asked, though he already had an idea.

“I asked about your name and you didn’t respond,” started Sehyoon, taking one of Jason’s hands. “I said, ‘Jason?’ and you, like, collapsed and curled up into a ball. It really scared me. I called your name a few more times, and at first you didn’t respond, but...” Sehyoon sighed again, placing his hand gently on Jason’s cheek. “Then you did. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Jason held tightly onto Sehyoon’s hand. He didn’t dare look into his eyes. “I... I should explain.”

Sehyoon shook his head. “Only if you’re comfortable. If you’re not ready to explain, just say so.”

“No, you have a right to know. I just... I haven’t told anyone this story before, so bear with me here.”

Sehyoon looked shocked. “Wait, so the others don’t know anything about your past?”

“No. I mean, Junhee does, but he’s kind of involved.” Jason managed a smile. “You get to be the first one to know. Feel special yet?”

Sehyoon laughed sheepishly. He didn’t say anything. He could probably sense that this was no laughing matter.

Jason took a moment to collect his thoughts. Then he spoke.

“Since you asked about my name, I suppose I’ll start there. You were right—my name was once Byeongkwan. But I started going by Jason because…” Jason paused, trying to figure out how to word it. “It was kind of to rebel against my parents? It took a while to get used to, but I really like it now. I picked it out with Junnie’s help, so it feels really special. I got it legally changed thanks to his moms, too. It feels a lot more like _my_ name than… than _Byeongkwan.”_ He looked up at Sehyoon to see that his eyes were wide, interested.

_Stop rambling, you idiot,_ Jason told himself. _Get to the point._

“A-anyway,” he continued, looking back down at his hand. “You’re probably wondering how I ended up living with Junnie in the first place.”

“Yeah.”

“Well...” Jason thought for a moment. “Where do I even _start_ on that?”

“The beginning,” answered Sehyoon.

“The beginning it is, then.” Jason sighed heavily. “I was born on August 13, 1996 to two parents: one mom, and one dad. You know, a perfectly heterosexual family. The way families _used_ to be.”

“I didn’t even know there _were_ heterosexual soulmates anymore,” remarked Sehyoon, bewildered.

“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. But it spelled trouble for me, since I knew from a very young age that I liked boys. My mom wasn’t bothered much by being different, but my dad was. I think he was bullied or abused as a kid, or maybe both. I don’t know. Either way, he was—probably still is—a very bitter adult. He treated my mom okay, but...” Jason’s grip on Sehyoon’s hand tightened. Unwelcome memories were surfacing again.

“He didn’t treat you well,” finished Sehyoon.

“No. He didn’t. He... He abused me, really. One wrong move, and I was given some ridiculous punishment—like being locked out, or deprived of dinner, or—or, you know. Beatings.” More memories flashed behind Jason’s eyes, and another wave of fear passed over him. But this time, he was determined to fight it. _It’s not real,_ he told himself. _You don’t live that anymore._ He moved closer to Sehyoon, resting his head on his chest—right in the spot his mark was.

Sehyoon released Jason’s hand. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Jason—one hand resting on the back of his head, the other on his back. And between the mark against his forehead and the mark against the back of his head, Jason felt safe.

They stayed like that for a bit, but Jason remembered he hadn’t exactly finished his story. Sehyoon was probably too polite to ask about the rest of it.

Jason pulled away. “That’s not the end of the story, though. Obviously. I haven’t even gotten to the part where I met Junnie.”

“Tell me about that,” said Sehyoon, taking Jason’s hand again and running his thumb soothingly over it.

“That part of the story started...” Jason thought for a moment. “I think it was a day before my thirteenth birthday? Something like that. I don’t remember what I got in trouble for—probably for saying something about how I was going to have a bunch of boyfriends soon, since I was gonna get my marks. I did that a lot leading up to that day. I was just getting more and more rebellious. As a punishment, my dad locked me out for the night. But I was sick of it. So I left.

“I wandered for months after that—eventually ending up in Junhee’s hometown. All of your hometown, I guess. I met Junhee late on the night of Christmas Eve. I was starving and freezing when he found me. Honestly, I probably would have died if he hadn’t taken me in that night. I refused to tell them my name. That’s why we came up with Jason. I also wouldn’t tell them why I was out there, and they stopped trying to get it out of me after a while. Instead, they reported to the police that they’d found me and that they were going to take care of me, and they let them, since I was Junhee’s soulmate. It scared me that the police knew, but what could I do? It wasn’t like I could just _tell_ them why I’d run away—why I was scared to death of going back to my parents.

“So the inevitable happened. One Saturday evening, when everyone was home, the doorbell rang. Somehow I knew who was at the door, so I hid in my closet. Er—I guess it wasn’t my closet at that point yet. It was still just the closet in the guest room. But anyway. Junhee found me in there, and when he saw the state I was in, he somehow got my parents to go away. In the following days, there were a lot of tense discussions over dinner, and with Hajin’s law expertise, we eventually came to the conclusion that Junnie’s moms would fight for custody of me. Something like that would never have been possible if Junhee wasn’t my soulmate.

“It was a long and hard case. I took the rest of the year off school and started seeing a therapist, which lasted a few years. The case was still going strong in the fall, when I started up school again. It was stressful, even though I didn't ever have to go to courtroom. I can’t imagine how Hajin must have felt—she went every single time. She went with the flu once.” Jason sighed. “I don’t know how I can ever repay Junhee and his family for the things they’ve done for me. They’ve been nothing but kind to me since I met them.”

“They probably don’t see it as a debt,” said Sehyoon. “They probably see you as their own son.”

Jason smiled. “Yeah, I know. I’ll probably never be able to think of them as my moms, but... It’s amazing, you know? For thirteen years, I was raised by a family who didn’t give a shit about me, and suddenly I was part of the most loving family I’ve ever seen. It was kind of jarring. Suffocating, at times. They weren’t perfect, of course, but what family is? Even soulmates fight.” He shook his head. “I love where I am now, even if your mom reminds me of my dad. I don’t think life could possibly be better for me.”

“Is that why you freaked out at the storm? Did it remind you of your dad somehow?”

“I mean...” Jason paused, thinking. “Yes, but I’ve always been afraid of storms. He just—he didn’t like it when I cried at the thunder.” Jason finally looked up at Sehyoon, nervous. “What do you... think of all this?”

Sehyoon leaned back on his arms, thinking. “I think... I understand you a bit better.”

Hope filled Jason’s chest. “Oh?”

“It makes more sense now—why you strive to protect me so much. What I go through isn’t nearly as bad as what you went through, from the sound of it, but you don’t want me to suffer the same pain.” Sehyoon looked at Jason. “Is that right?”

“Just about,” answered Jason. “But... you shouldn’t compare your situation to mine. Maybe when I was with my parents, I had it worse. But now, you’re definitely worse off.”

Sehyoon hummed in agreement and looked at his feet, tapping them together thoughtfully. Jason could tell he wanted to say something, so he waited. He passed the moments by looking at Sehyoon.

Sehyoon now exuded a tranquility he never had before. Something about him among the trees felt _right_ —like he belonged in the freedom of the forest.

“About what you said this morning,” started Sehyoon, and Jason’s mind returned to reality. “I’m starting to wonder if I _should_ just leave home. Especially after hearing your story.”

“But what about your family? What about Eunsuh?”

Sehyoon looked up at Jason, befuddled. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

It wasn’t what Jason expected to say either, but he went along with it. “Eunsuh changed my mind, I guess. I was thinking about what _I_ would do, not what _you_ would do. I mean... Leaving your family would be really hard for you, wouldn’t it?”

Sehyoon’s gaze fell to the floor. “I guess.”

_Wrong words._ “It’s not a bad thing. If you can come to a compromise, you could probably maintain a nice relationship with your family. That’s not an option I had. I don’t know that I’ll ever have that option.” _Not that I really want it,_ he added to himself.

“I _know,”_ said Sehyoon, his voice trembling. “I’ve been trying that for years. _We’ve_ been trying that for years. But is it getting anywhere? I honestly can’t tell. It feels like nothing has changed.”

Jason wasn’t sure what to say. He suddenly wished he were Junhee, or maybe Donghun—those two always knew what to say in this kind of situation.

Sehyoon let out a huff. “It's frustrating, but you’re right. I don’t think I’d be able to leave if I tried. I’d just go crawling back home.”

“Hey.”

Sehyoon looked at Jason again.

Jason stared back at Sehyoon, thinking. He had his attention now, but he still didn’t know what to say. His mouth had moved on its own, acting from a desire for Sehyoon to be optimistic again.

“We’ll find—no, _you’ll_ find a way. Everything works out for soulmates in the end, doesn’t it?” _No, you dumbass, that’s stupid and not true._ Jason struggled to recover from his fumble. “Plus, I don’t think Yuna would have let you go on this trip a year ago. It’s been slow, but things are improving for you, aren’t they?”

Sehyoon stared at Jason for a moment longer. “Yeah... Yeah, that’s true.” Then he added, “I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“I guess I’m full of surprises today,” joked Jason.

Sehyoon snorted, cracking a smile. He looked away from Jason, out the entrance to the gazebo. 

Jason followed his gaze. He didn’t see anything, though. Nothing but the forest and the rain, that is. Was Sehyoon talking to the trees? Communing with the squirrels? Speaking to the ferns? 

Or perhaps asking Jason a question.

“Are you going to tell Donghunie and Yuchannie?”

Jason gave that some thought. Yesterday, he definitely would not have. But now that he’d said it once...

“I think so.”

“I hope so.” Sehyoon sighed.

The rain slowed to a drizzle.

Jason’s mind wandered back to Eunsuh. Should he apologize to her? She had said some pretty nasty things to him, but _he’d_ started it. And he’d yelled at her the previous day. And... he’d also snapped at Sehyoon. He hadn’t apologized for that yet.

“Yoonie?”

“Mm?” Sehyoon turned his head slightly in Jason’s direction.

“I’m sorry about what I said this morning. I was just... really angry.”

He turned his head back toward the forest. “I understand. It’s okay.” He paused. “You should probably apologize to Eunsuh too, though.”

“I thought so too.”

They fell silent once more. The rain had nearly stopped by then.

“Should we go back before it starts pouring again?” asked Sehyoon.

“Probably.” Jason rose from where he was sitting, then helped Sehyoon up. They walked back to the house in silence. For the first time that day, the sun uncovered its bright, golden face, and the raindrops still clinging to the plants glimmered in reply.

Jason entered the house ahead of Sehyoon, immediately greeted by a baffled Yuchan, who was sitting at the table, a booklet in his hands.

“How did you guys manage to stay dry?”

Jason smiled. “That’s a secret.”

Yuchan couldn’t help but smile back, confused but happy to see Jason back to normal.

“What’s that?” asked Jason, pointing at the booklet.

“Oh, it’s...” Yuchan looked at the booklet. “Remember that board game Junnie bought in March?”

Jason frowned. “No?”

“Right, I forgot,” said Yuchan, biting his lip. “You were still away at school.”

“I think I remember that,” said Sehyoon.

Yuchan looked surprised. “Really?”

“I remember him going on and on about how cool the concept was in the group chat.”

“Ohh, I remember now.” Jason recalled the event. “I was trying to study, and he wouldn’t shut up.”

Yuchan giggled. “I forgot about that. But anyway, yeah, this is the rulebook. One of three, at least.”

Jason raised an eyebrow. “One of _three?”_

Yuchan set down the rulebook. “The idea is that the players are exploring this haunted mansion, and all this spooky shit happens, until suddenly ‘the haunt’ begins, often involving a traitor among the players. There are fifty different scenarios. It’s pretty cool.”

“Ah,” said Jason, sitting down across from Yuchan. Sehyoon sat in the chair next to him. “So what’s with the other two rulebooks?”

“Those explain each scenario—one rulebook for the heroes, and one for the traitor.”

“That _does_ sound pretty cool. How many people can play?”

“Six. Junnie was thinking we could all play together after you two came back.”

“Sounds great!”

As if on cue, Eunsuh entered from the living room, heading to the kitchen to grab a snack.

“Hey, Eunsuh,” called Jason, smiling slightly. “Wanna play a game with us?”

She stopped in front of the pantry and looked at Jason oddly for a moment. Then she replied, “Sure.”

Sehyoon went to find Junhee and Donghun, and the six of them began playing. It was slow at first—Donghun had a little trouble grasping the gameplay—but in the end, everyone enjoyed it. Eunsuh, who turned out to be the traitor, won the game.

With a final roll of the dice, a grin spread across her face. “That’s the end! I win.”

Donghun’s jaw dropped. “No way! That was it?”

“Yeah!” She waved her rulebook in his direction. “Read it and weep!”

Jason rested his face on the table, sighing. “I can’t believe we lost to a rat girl.”

“I was a _were-rat.”_

Jason smirked. “A furry either way.”

“Hey!”

He laughed. “You may have won the game, but you lost in the species department.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Can you guys help clean up, please?” asked Junhee.

“Yeah, sorry.” Jason collected some smaller pieces and placed them in a small bag.

Eunsuh didn’t move, though. After a moment, she spoke.

“Hey, Jason?”

“Hmm?” Jason didn’t look at her. He was a bit occupied with cleaning up.

“I’m sorry for... what I said to you this morning.”

Jason looked at her. She was looking down at her hands, not daring to make eye contact.

“It’s fine.”

She looked up.

“We both said some things we didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. I started it anyway. So I guess... I guess I’m sorry too.”

A smile tugged at the corners of her lips. “It’s alright.”

They finished cleaning up, and since it was already getting late, Donghun and Yuchan got started on making dinner together. Eunsuh went to the loft to have some alone time. Jason, Junhee, and Sehyoon squeezed themselves onto the couch, Jason in the middle, and chattered quietly about the state of the gazebo. But talk about such a subject could only continue for so long, so they fell silent after a bit.

The silence felt much calmer to Jason than usual. There was nothing buzzing at the back of his mind anymore—not that he’d noticed it before, but now that it was gone, he was aware of it. It would surely bother him once it returned. _If_ it returned. If Jason told Donghun and Yuchan about his past too, would it recede for the rest of his life?

“What if we stole the big bed again tonight?” asked Junhee, smirking.

Jason laughed. There was no way Donghun and Yuchan would just _let_ that happen.

“No, we shouldn’t,” protested Sehyoon, leaning into Jason. “I should sleep in the small bed at _least_ once. It’s unfair otherwise.”

“So you’ll take the small bed tonight,” concluded Junhee.

“Who are you dragging down to hell with you?” asked Jason, linking his arm with Sehyoon’s.

“Junnie,” answered Sehyoon immediately. “Because he suggested we steal the big bed. How mean!” He leaned back and shook his head in spite of a smile.

Junhee gasped, pretending to be offended. “I can’t believe you would do this to me.”

“I’m doing it because I love you.” Sehyoon gracefully tapped Junhee’s nose.

Junhee couldn’t help but smile at that. “I suppose I’ll oblige, but only because I love you too.”

Sehyoon giggled shyly.

Jason smirked. “I’m honored to have yet another chance to sleep in the big bed.”

“Yeah, what’s with that?” asked Junhee. “He’s slept in it every night, too. Isn’t that a little unfair?”

Sehyoon looked at Jason thoughtfully. “Um... I guess that’s because he won the alphabet game?”

“Yup,” agreed Jason, grinning.

Junhee pouted.

“If it’s really bothering you, I’ll sleep downstairs for the remaining two nights,” offered Jason.

“Okay, that’s a little more fair.”

The conversation ended there; Donghun marched in and announced that dinner was ready.

All six of them sat at the table again, eating in silence once more. All but Eunsuh, that is. She was clearly still uncomfortable with silence, so she talked about how she was hoping to meet her soulmates in college. The rest listened, mainly, but Junhee asked some questions so she wouldn’t feel like nobody cared.

After dinner, they played a round of Monopoly. It was a long game—nobody wanted to give up, especially Donghun and Jason, who were strong contenders for winning from the beginning. In the end, though, Donghun won. Jason wanted a rematch, but Sehyoon and Junhee were getting tired, so they decided to put it off until tomorrow. It was late anyway, the rest figured, so they should probably go to bed too.

Jason crawled into bed with Donghun and Yuchan. They all said their “goodnight”s, but Jason lay wide awake for several minutes, staring at the ceiling. The incessant buzzing in his mind had resumed.

He had to tell them.

“Are you guys still awake?” whispered Jason.

At first, only the silent room whispered back.

But then Yuchan spoke. “Yeah, why?”

“What is it?” asked Donghun, somewhat concerned.

Jason’s heart threatened to leap out of his chest. This was his last chance to back out. If he didn’t explain now, nothing would change. They could go on living the way it’d always been when they were together.

But... No. He had to tell them eventually—like he’d said countless times before, they had a right to know.

_But it’s not just that, is it?_ asked a tiny voice in his head. _Don’t you want them to know?_

Jason sighed heavily, preparing himself.

“I want to tell you guys about my past.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for reading hhh this took way longer to finish than i thought it would... like i literally finished the first draft A WEEK AGO it took forever for me to get through this, busy beta reader aside  
> so i haven’t really articulated this publicly but just so everyone knows this fic is going to be five chapters and an epilogue ! so by the time i post chapter five the epilogue will be done ish and ready to be posted Very soon after  
> anyway uhhh i think that’s it? guess i’ll promote some things  
> if you wanna be friends with me you can dm me in two places: on my twitter ([@charmikarma](https://twitter.com/charmikarma)) or on discord (my user/tag is charmikarma#4779). don’t be afraid to talk to me!! i know of someone who definitely was and now we’re like super good friends and it’s great ;)  
> also i’m sure you all know of heartbeats; body and soul but have you heard of soi’s vampire au? it all started with [fragmented athanasia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12583936), and then she posted [ameliorate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15218234), which will eventually become the prologue to a full-fledged fic!! idk about you guys but i’m super excited for it to get released.  
> also my beta reader and best friend azzy started the?? coolest stray kids fic? like idk i don’t even stan stray kids but one snippet of this fic had me SOLD... go read it it’s called [star child](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15766149) and man are her descriptions beautiful  
> anyway uhh that’s all for today folks see yall in another few months


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